Saturday, November 7, 2015

Most days I don’t feel their absence.
Maybe I don’t care, maybe I don’t have enough reason to care, maybe I’m a bad person, maybe they don’t mean enough to me, I don’t know.

Most people in my life will come and go,
As the others before them have come and gone.
But it’s not sad,
Not completely.

Fucked up part of it all is that I don’t really mind not having “family” because I don’t really think about it. I have good friends. But even friends who feel like family will never be family. They will have their family trips, their holidays, their squabbles, their history –shit I will never know about or need to know about. Even as much as they want to be my family, even as much as I have wanted them to be my family, they. will. never. be. And I am finally mature enough to admit that. And to see that that is okay. Okay, and empowering. To know that I can go on without anyone. That I can fucking survive without anyone.

I am accustom to loss
It has made me colder
But that’s not bad,
Not completely