Monday, May 28, 2012

why the fuck does it have to go down like this................

IM
FUCKING
CONFUSED..........

i cant even answer a direct question

lul
this is funny
but its not
i wish i knew what i wanted
but i dont
this is fun
but it really isnt
not at all
tell me why
FUCK THIS
w
h
y
why why why
WHY
why
why
WHY
why
why
why
why
why
........................................no really
............
why?

Saturday, May 12, 2012

because if i dont write this shit down ill forget forever.......and that would be sad

foreal foreal foreal foreal doe
small eyes marco 
yoda robert
ghetto ass kevin always threatening to fuck me up......lul
jessica my ride or die girl el oh el srsly doe
kevins crazy ass dog sparkles or some shit........penny HENNY
tallys
mickey mouses everywhere
hands
warm faces
the deliberation over whether our eyelashes were real or fake......
kevin always flicking me off.....
when i was hating on robert
tweets
omg.....standing on the bed and being like you see how tall i am or something el oh el
marco telling me i was smart and that my eyelashes were "big"
OUR FIRST HUG EVER!!!
crazy dancing with jessica at whacked out dance marathon...damn WHACKED OUT theres no better way to describe it!!!
fighting for the liquid nitrogen
feeling like i was in a ghetto ass movie walking with marco and kevin....bizzness through a popped out window screen
seeing kids from elementary such a weird feeling
jessica and i always going in the bathroom and talking like it was soundproof we sho dum doe
biting
when i made marco wash my hands
jessica and robert dancing shooo effing cute i swear
when marco and i just kept going back and forth pretending to salsa
when kevin would keep getting mad for a quick sec and would be like fuck all you guys foreal or some shit fuck you and fuck you and then he would go under the blankets and pout and then start rapping some ganster shit again...lul ...lul
making kevin braid my hair...twice...
jessicas "." fiasco
skipping to the pink sparkly
kevin believing that my nails were natural
stfu
poke poke poke poke joke joke joke
kevins crazy ass driving
serious boy
depressed boy
damn twinkle toes
marcos first tally was like half a cup full
jessica leaving her books at the mall
bitch im on that loner
play 35 seconds
secret poems
rubby dubby dubby

Thursday, May 10, 2012

damn i thought i was ok until i accidently called out for you and realized a second later you weren't going to come running to me
sometimes its hard to understand other people

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

free stye

when you said i was weird i didnt believe you until now lets take a ride on a mother fuckin ancient dhow like two people pretending to be chiniese traders trying to escape the modern day haters, finding joy in simple pleasures this was the way its supposed to be real time hopefully you wont leave like the rest monopoly quiet time on our porch that doesn't exist yet fantasy

interesting thought.. when i write and it mentions another person or a "you" its never about someone in particular and that reminds me of my research topic.... art doesnt have to have an underlying meaning it can just be art and any references can just be coincidental. not in every case obviously but im just saying it is possible........ not everything i write is about someone or an event sure im inspired by shit i learn or shit people tell me
__
note to self i just remembered how my 5th grade teacher used to put up a writing prompt each day and we would write it in our journals to be cool i wish i kept that journal i would give anything to see it for even five minutes.... the only thing i remember writing was a story about how one day on my way to school there was a dead mouse outside of our front door but i called it a rat and lied about other shit to make it interesting
good times in 5th grade
is it weird that i feel like i've entered a whole new stage of life now..... i finally feel like im growing up...my original family pets are both dead.....

i love you and miss you brandy....you've been there since i was 4 and you're the best true homie i could ever have..... i mean you were*





=[

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

why did you leave me now? and why cant i stop crying? i thought i was going to be fine but you left me and you took a part of me with you. i guess i knew this day was coming sooner than later but i didnt know it would be so soon. not TODAY, but it was today. you left me today. where are you and am i going to see you again? im confused and i just want you back. i love you so much. my whole body aches. right after i found out you were gone the only thing i could do was lie on the floor and cry. i remember when i used to lie on the floor with you. i remember i used to pet you for hours even though you smelt bad and then i smelt bad but it was fine because i loved you and you loved me and then we smelt bad together. i remember when i used to lay down right next your face and then you would put your head on my head and we would nap together, that was when i was happiest because i knew i was making you happy. i remember when i got mad at you for stealing and eating my bagel but now all i want to do is say im sorry for yelling and make you two more. i remember how you would always beg for my food and i would never give you any now all i want to do is share with you. mostly i want to share more time with you, but if food means i get to see again i can bring food. ................... .......................................... but you're really gone arent you? you're really gone and you arent coming back.

Monday, May 7, 2012

help - read aloud

sitting here with people who dont know shit cause you dont know shit and you wont be there when I dont know shit
in reality all we wanna do is quit
what the fuck is this? why do you call me miss?
missed hit relaxed fit relapsed dip get me the fuck out of here
 whats goin on? [and why are all our complaints in anon?
omous] im just trying to move on and im not trying to stay long but
i
dont
want
to
leave.
dry heaves loose leaves im nervous
 im just trying to learn something and im just trying to be something anything tell me what the fuck im supposed to do tell me what im supposed to be tell me anything i want to hear your voice . . . are you even listening? h e l p

Sunday, May 6, 2012

in other news

what is life what matters what am i doing why am i doing what im doing what am i doing sometimes i feel alone but at the same time i dont want any company i feel unmotivated i want to cry im sad but im not sad im happy but im not happy what is this what matters ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
Some say jessica and i are boy crazy. Except jessica gets all the boys, and I'm just left with the crazy.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

recently

my time has consisted of ASB and class committee events and prom
but most of my time is spent hanging out with jessica y marco because theyre the bestest
just wanted to post about how cool they are