Sunday, January 31, 2010

Find me interesting

My body is still sore, I haven't been this sore due to rugby .... ever. My neck is a pain and I can't even lift my right arm above my head. Practice the day after tomorrow. Awesome. Sam's puppies are adorable. Rocky was more forgetful then me today! He left his car keys and new iphone on the top of his car in the same day, pff hahaha.

freakin hilarious.
I forget just how fortunate I am, puts things in perspective for me. Keeps my mouth shut and makes me think twice before opening it again.

I read everything, more then once, to make sure I didn't miss anything you said, to make sure I didn't miss anything you didn't say. Putting together talks like I couldn't speak any other way, like I wasn't free enough to speak from the heart. To bad when I see your face I only comprehend my heart beating and your eyes, forcing my words to go along with the beat my body is filled with. And how I'm not complete when you leave. Bugs me because all I wanted was independence, turns out all I needed was dependence. That's life in one word though, how much I need another beat to meet mine. How much people deny it to make them feel better after screwing up their happiness. How long we all search for it. I think I'll be searching for more then awhile. Time only flies when you've got someone to not think about it with. It can't just be anyone though. Has to be you. You that understands you better then you ever could. That's the you I want.

Friday, January 29, 2010

To short to control, to long to let go

Wow, I haven't been this sore in a long time. I don't want to wake up tomorrow. I don't want to wake up [early] tomorrow. I don't want to wake up tomorrow. This weekend is going to be go go go I can feel it. I was so pathetically tired today, feel asleep in almost every class. Practice was brutal and dark yesterday night. I have like 20 bruises and 5067 knots on/in my body, just from that night. I'll have to force myself to sleep soon. I'll get up, 'go to work', come home take a shower and eat, maybe go to the mall, and maybe head to sam's around dinner time.
Looking forward to seeing these guys again...

Myspace is not exciting anymore. Who uses myspace now adays? Going to have to make a facebook soon... (soon= not going to make one for awhile) because if I really wanted one I'd have one already. Might have to end up making a twitter for rugby news, (have to end up= im not going to unless someone sets it up for me).

You know who just came to mind out of know where... Jay Bitner hahaha and now I'm thinking of Carolina's rad impressions at any voice you could think of and now I'm thinking of how Carolina makes Rocky laugh more then anyone else and now I'm thinking of Disneyland and now I'm back to Jay, hm I don't know if this means I miss him or what... I'll go with a yes. I hope to see him soon.

I've haven't been cussing as much as I used to, not as good as before I started cussing again, but hey my life is a constant work in progress..
On the way home I had a day dream that I got kidnapped and was about to be murdered after getting raped but I managed to grab my phone and make a goodbye video. I was thinking about what I was going to say, and who I was going to say bye to. I do have a point for this one though, and it made me realize how much everyone is guilty of taking life and people for granted. Things like this make me see the big picture, only for a second, but that's more then some can say. Anyway, I just realized how much every person who has came into my life, everyone, has made an impact. I said a whole bunch of things, and how I wanted whoever found the video to tell anyone who I've wronged that I was sorry and thank you for teaching me what really matters in life. I think I told Carolina not to let anyone tell her she's dumb, and that she never disappointed me, and to always find her way back. I told Rocky thank you for being such a positive influence on me and to never give up because whats meant to be will be or something cheesy like that. I think I told Sam shes going places. I think I told my parents I'm sorry for everything and I appreciate you and I think I told my sister to always look to God when in doubt. Other then that I talked in general, I know I used to think people were stupid for telling their friends I love you and I love you all and all of that, all of the time, but it's not so far fetched to me anymore. I was thinking and I really do owe everything to the people that have done anything for me/ about me. Whether you talked behind my back, opened a door for me, saved my life, helped me up, told me when I was being retarded, or just participating in an conversation with me. It brings me back to who I really owe my life,(Jesus), and makes me recognize and act on all of my mistakes/sins and that was a ....refreshing? feeling. Good experience. Anyway, to anyone who has cared about me at any point in time, I love you always, thank you always. Yes, I am blind, but I can only go up from here.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Here I am.

I'm here mother fucker, and we're all here mother fucker. And we're all mother fuckers, mother fucker. Because every breathe I give brings me a second closer to the day that my mother may die. Because every breath I take, takes me a second further from the moment she caught my father's eye. Because every word I carry is another stone to put into place in the foundation that I'm building to use the days and erase something that I never saw. What all of us wanted, and what none of us got, what we all had and have, and what we forgot. That we all wanted to be something, that we all became something, and it might not be the shit we once thought we'd be when we were kids, but something is still something, and like some cats say something is better then nothing. Feet are smarter then an engine, and dreams are stronger then thighs, and questions are the only answers we need to have to read the lives of time when I have a mind of a child. Asking why is two plus three always equal to five? Where do people go to when they die? What made the beauty of the moon, and the beauty of the sea? And did that beauty make you, did that beauty make me? Well it made me something. Will I be something? Am I something? And the answer comes... Already am, Always was, And I still have time to be.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Raise the bar

Won the debate. My group was awesome, and I got best debater ;P. Just finished up homework and moving on to a project due Friday. Won't get much done, but it'll give me a little edge during class tomorrow. I need more hours. =/ Task force this thursday. Practice tomorrow. Staying after tomorrow. Jaynee tomorrow.

Working on my mix cd project isn't so bad, I'm having fun.

Formspring me!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

get down, go ahead get down

It's Sunday already... This weekend went weirdly fast, but I say that almost every weekend. Hah, hey I got a leather jacket, pumped on that. I debate tomorrow, we'll see how that goes. I don't have much ready....yet. We'll see how this one pans out. Homework tonight, and Julio made me want to watch the star wars trilogy. Hmph, maybe Carolina's house later for the breakfast club. I really want an 80s dance party, just saying.. anyone down?


Is anyone else tired of routine?

I finally got my own black scarf, don't have to sneak Carolina's anymore.
Plus mommyyiyah is making me new slippers! Finally, once I have those puppies expect to see me wearing knitted slippers any chance I get. They're Boss. (note the capital B)

I hate being hot and cold at the same time. I'm going to go take a shower cause I'm hot, even though I know I'm going to put the water on hot.

This is how we do it!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Do I disappoint you? No I already forgave you.

I paint my nails because I'm to lazy to cut them. I wear jeans when I'm to lazy to shave my legs. I can't spell to save my life. My teeth are to big, and one is crooked and sticks out further then the rest. My two front teeth are fake, due to me trying to do jumps on my bike. Sometimes I forget to wash behind my ears. My right foot is bigger then the other. My right eye is bigger than the other. My right boob is bigger then the other, (If you consider my boobs, boobs). I use a knife with my left hand. I suck at remembering lyrics, band names, album names, etc. I have this red birthmark on the back of my neck, I've never seen it but I have a feeling it's gross. Sometimes I feel bad after saying something mean, but I don't say sorry. I'll seriously sit there wanting to say something for several minutes, but everyone has already moved on. I always remember those situations. I remember one from 4 years ago right now. I've cheated on tests. People say things that aren't right about me, but they make me sound better, so I don't correct them. I've lied to people and never plan to tell them the truth, mostly my parents though. I have so many situations that I know I could have done better on, but didn't do what I could of because I was shy. I judge people based on first impressions, what I've heard about them,& what they look like. I'm guilty of social profiling. I have disagreed with someone, but didn't speak up because of what they would think of me. I don't cry enough. I'm disrespectful to my parents. I walk through the halls in a straight line, forcing people to walk around me. I eat more then I should. My toe to the right of my big toe is longer, [I have Flintstone feet]. I agree to hang out with people sometimes, when I have no intention of fulfilling the words. I miss school when I'm not sick, because I want to sleep. I'm selfish. I laugh when people get hurt. I have a horrible memory. I purposely wait a while to reply [on myspace]. I can't touch dry paper towels. I eat the last candy bar. I cut in lines because I'm inconsiderate. I didn't watch the end of paranormal activity until the 3rd time watching it. When my hair is greasy, I put baby powder in my hair so it looks like I just took a shower. I forget just how good I have it. I laugh at stories people tell me if other people do, because while they were talking, I wasn't listening. I'm a lager. I exaggerate when I probably shouldn't. I use excuses, even though I know there is no such thing as a valid excuse. I have problems and things happen to me that I should talk about, but don't, because I don't want to show vulnerability or people's pity. I have a scar on my knuckle because someone slammed a van door on my hand. I make assumptions about people and their intentions. Then I hold it against them. I expect&accept more then I should. I mistaked innocence for ignorance, but there's no turning back. Yes, I am blind.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010


Get busy living or get busy dying

In the absence of your smiling face, I traveled all over the place.

Rain rain go away. It's good for California, but not for me. I like the idea of rain. I like rain until it actually rains. On the bright side, my chucks have been given some more wears.. yezzz. I don't like how it rains to the point of no pe during the best sport. Kinda of annoying except not really. The presets has one interesting sound, I don't know if I like it. Normally, I'd shut it down right away, but I won't let myself delete it from my tunes.

If you have 18 or lower you're not stupid.
[x] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking.
[] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking.
[x] You have ran into a glass/screen door.
[x(funnystory)]You have jumped out of a moving vehicle.
[xxxx(do it all the time)] You have thought of something funny and laughed, then people gave you weird looks.

[] You have ran into a tree.
[ ] It IS possible to lick your elbow
[] You just tried to lick your elbow.
[x ]You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same rhythm.
[] You just tried to sing them.
[] You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen.
[] You have choked on your own spit.
[] You have seen the the Matrix and still don’t get it.
[x(trippy)] You didn’t notice that in the last question “the” was spelled twice
[x] You just looked at it.
[notanymore;P]Your hair is blonde/dirty blonde.
[]People have called you slow.
total so far=7

[x] You have accidentally caught something on fire
[x] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/​eyes/​cheek.​
[] You have caught yourself drooling.
[xx] You’ve fallen asleep in class
[] If someone says “fart” you laugh.
[] You just laughed.
total so far=10

[] Sometimes you just stop thinking
[x] You tell a story and forget what you were talking about
[] People are often shaking their heads and walking away from you
[xxx!story of my life but said in other words]You are often told to use your “inside voice”.
[]You use your fingers to do simple math.
total so far:12

[ ]You have eaten a bug.
[does napping count?]You are taking this test when you should be doing something important
[x] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn’t realize it
[x] You’ve looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand or pocket
total so far=14

[] You sometimes post bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don’t even when you know it won’t happen to you.
[] You break a lot of things.
[ ] Your friends know not to use big words around you
[ ] You sometimes tilt your head when you’re confused
[] You have fallen out of your chair before
[] When you’re laying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture of the ceiling

total so far=14

Formspring me!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

We don't want to be without you

I've found less and less interest in technology. (excluding my phone;) I've found more happiness in sleep, friends, and living in general. My house is with out internet right now, but I don't mind it much. I think I'll be moving sooner then originally intended which is going to be a little messy I think. Probably won't though..

Before you go will you wake me, or I'll sleep all day; miss everything.

Everyone I'm related to seems to love drama. Then there's me.

Everything is backwards now, like out there is the true world, and in here is the dream.

Sooner or later though, you always have to wake up.

Monday, January 11, 2010

"good day. studio all day then dennys with the guys. then 2 hours on the phone with michelle talking about horses, injuries, and politics."

I forgot to mention I thought going to a studio for 8 hours would be crazy, but it actually went by really fast. Carolina, Rocky, Sam, Vince,& Julio are good company to keep. I don't know if I'd be able to spend that much time in one room with just anyone. Oh yeah, sneaking off to the dance studio was fun too. Hurt my knee, but what else is new?

Last time you'll see my judgemental eyes

I missed school today. I got all the homework but I have an invite to watch paranormal with some friends and I'd rather have double the work tomorrow then miss this tonight.. nothing crucial. L8r S8rs.

From a best friend:
We're bestfriends now. NO EXCUSES! YOU HAVE NICE LEGS! Hehehe. In the past week, what's the coolest thing you've seen someone do? =) I love it! Haha, we definitely are bestfriends. Anyone who thinks I have nice legs is definitely on my good side. I like this kid. Anyway, coolest thing I've seen someone do this past week... probably someone getting his friends food without calling them to find out what they wanted or to ask if they could pay him back, and being able to get them exactly what they wanted right down to the drink. I don't know maybe it's just me but I thought that was really sweet/admirable.

From a homie:
left for dead. hahah. i think yo know who. Hahaha, if it's the person I'm thinking of buy me elephant eyelash for my birthday and I'll never forget you. I didn't know you read my blog! :-) If it's not the person I'm thinking of and happens to be Christie, Wendy, or Ariahna.... disappointing? I'm sorry except not really. I lost a baby in coffee bean

* I actually don't know you at all.
* We're acquaintances.
With your past experiences with 'friends' who do you miss the most? Who ever wrote this loves drama, hahah. I'm getting a vibe you just told the person next to you, you hate drama. Liar. Who do I miss the most, your question isn't very clear, but I think I know what you're getting at.. Next time you can be frank, it's already anonymous ya know. I'm getting carried away though, I don't know if I 'miss' any old friends per say because if they aren't my friend right now chances are I stand behind my decision in making a change in who I hang out with. No regrets though, I've had a lot of good times with lots of faces I don't see anymore.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Almost forgot

I walked 5 miles in 30 minutes. Incentive: A strawberry smoothie and a nap.
Found a cart out of no where. Kinda sketchy but it worked beautifully.

Wrote something last night somewhere between 2am-4am, if I remember correctly it was pretty good.

Got two invites to two things I don't want to do. It's sunday. Where do I go from here?

This is the fallen.

Last night your taste was beautiful but my tongue doesn't know the truth cause when it's drown in poison chemicals I see the better side of you our promise was that we would save ourselves before our minds lost all control but then our clothes hit the floor now today you called and told me that it only hurts more the phone's been off the hook for three hours now my heart beats fast as the pulse of the tone blocking conversation I'm hiding from your lies lies that make you take back what's been said I'm so angry it's hard to even talk anymore with words as my weapons I would say to you now it's over no shields can prevent these sharp syllables I tell myself you'll never let go (you will never let this go) still I'm the one who is blamed for this lies depicted a remainder of trust something deeper than a story will you hold my eyelids open as I paste your blood on my pupils then teach me to see with my ears so I'll find out what true beauty really is why can't I take back all the time that I wasted on you and use on friends that won't bring me down because everytime it seems the same way and I know that they're there for me and they hate to see I'm ruined so give me on e good reason why you're still in love I see you standing all alone and if that one good reason is not enough I want to be let go just give me on good reason why you're still in love

Saturday, January 9, 2010


Sometimes there's only one thing left to say.


That movie was depressing; moving on to the next movie.

A snail in salt doesnt fall asleep with a half smile.

What if we only wore our good clothes at home, and only wore shoes when we slept? What if the sky was green and the grass was blue, would our catch phrase for those that believe in global warming be "Go Blue"? What if everyone knew that evolution and global warming were just theories? Would people finally question the creditability of the government, before they're forced to? Reaching the end of the book, and the clock is running down. How long before we realize it? Maybe you just have to find something better then perfect before you're satisfied. Sucks you'll never get passed satisfactory.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

No, we never know!

Invited to Task Force. Pretty cool, did a little presentation, did my part, and it was actually pretty successful.

You're wearing your skin like it's to tight. Loosen up, and if you're nervous, hide your weakness; its not like you know you are anyway.

Rugby was fun towards the end! Funniest part of the day by far. Jaynee came over again, and she'll be coming over ever tues/thurs so I'm pumped for that. =) Speaking of being pumped, I'm looking forward to tomorrow night and the rest of this weekend. It's going to be great. I want to post more, but I'm off to live. I have to smell good for tomorrow, since there's no time to shower tomorrow, or do anything tomorrow, I have to do it tonight. No biggie. It feels later then 11:30. I'm tripping out, maybe it's because I didn't have any work. Hmmmmmm... prayers please. Just remembered: I have to figure what I'm going to wear in the shortest time!
Just remembered: I like the new coaches.
Just remembered: How surprisingly good jack in the box's strawberry smoothie was.

For now I'm off but I'll never stop. No run aways. Soon no hold backs. Days are counting down. You can't stop decelerating, I can't stop accelerating. I'll never stop. You're soon to stop.

Goodnight alleycats and streetrats,
p.s. my eyes burn almost as bright as yours

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

You clicked your heels, and wished for me.

I haven't been on the computer as much as I used to, nothing is that interesting anymore. Rugby on Tuesday was easy. It was also nice hanging out with Jaynee for a bit. Today was lame. I am excited to see Sam. I haven't seen her in a month+.

Do you think he'd be better doing what I do best? I've been looking for some answers. Time drops by but innocence stands still because it doesn't make it past the 1960s and stops at 5. Just a thought. You expired. Now you died for nothing because there is no such thing as peace.

May I never lose my youth and if I do let me be forgotten.

I should be in bed right now, but I'm to young to care. Plus, I'm making a mix. This is going to be good. I want to go shopping tomorrow, if I go I'm going to have to rush it. Bummer. Reminder: Start at Silverstein.

Okay I give in, going to "sleep" now. Tomorrow, practice. Reminder: I need to mold my mouth guard.

We are the same blood. We are. We are. No References

Sunday, January 3, 2010

87 candles

I've got the chills.
Happy Birthday Mommy-Yiyah!
You're the best Grandmother ever. You really are!!!
I love you.
I'm going to pray hard tonight.

-Maybe I'm crazy for putting my hope into lost causes.
-You'll find someone soon enough, don't give up now!
-I can't remember the last time I cried.
-Disappointment > Not trying at all

Break is over already. That was pretty fast.
Not looking forward to: getting up tomorrow.
Looking forward to: seeing familiar faces tomorrow.
Looking forward to: summer.
Looking forward to: the end of rugby practice on tuesday.
Looking forward to: This Friday.
Looking forward to: all weekends in general.
Not looking forward: having to write the whole script by myself.
Looking forward to: the end of the mile tomorrow.
Not looking forward to: starting the mile.
Looking forward to: wearing my avatar shirt tomorrow.
Looking forward to: people's reaction to my perfume.
Looking forward to: making someone's day tomorrow.
Hoping: someone will make my day.
Just realized: I don't need to depend on someone for a good day, or happiness in general.
Just forgot: what your laugh sounds like.
Just remembered: I need a new phone.
Just realized: I need to look at the phones online.
Just realized: I won't.
Giving > Receiving I need to remember to stay in that mentality.

I hope all of you had a great Christmas/New Year/Break. Good luck with classes/work tomorrow.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

We can breathe in space, they just don't want us to escape.

I had fun tonight. Rocky's car is the best. Phone call, soon. L4D2, later.

50 things I love, now. (no order)
1. the feeling of knowing you can say "i want to be no where but here" and knowing you're telling the truth
2. staying up late with positive vibes and smiling faces
3. playing hxc hide & seek tag type things with non complainers
4. exploring with fast movers
5. winning against the most competitive eyes
6. tight hugs, the tightest, longest, hugs. for the win.
7. funny people and funny laughs
8. playing a video game for the first time
9. good songs
10. the feeling after you know your prayer was heard/answered
11. reassurance in general
12. kissing
13. not needing to give someone a second chance
14. disneyland
15. long, interesting, deep, inappropriate, serious but relaxed, talks about everything
16. not having to wait in line
17. knowing im not a tourist is the most populated, most wanted, most infamous state
18. new and old friends
19. sleepovers
20. water
21. getting older
22. reality being better then expectations
23. holding hands
24. the feeling of my legs after shaving and lotion
25. sweet / charming boys
26. any other color eyes then dark brown
27. better then pleasant surprises
28. finishing a run, book, year, just finishing in general
29. learning something never before learned
30. summer break
31. people who say there going to do something and actually do it
32. people who genuinely like my gifts, but genuine people in general
33. sleeping in
34. drunk people [fun(ny) drunks]
35. flirts&flirting
36. completing people sentences
37. knowing someone so well you know what there going to do next and like it
38. real best friend(s)
39. a good formspring
40. loud
41. silence [the good kind where you could talk if you want to but don't need to because you know the person well enough, and are content right where your breathing]
42. intelligent ( but not stuck up ) people
43. people with a nice smile and lips i can actually see
44. intense / long roller coasters
45. something that was worth what you paid for it
46. people who smell good (breathe included) especially boys who smell good
47. watching good movies with good people
48. looking pretty
49. tall people
50. faces/memories/days/experiences ill never forget.

diana, carolina, anyone else who reads's your turn

A final opinion is of less value

* Just a curious weirdo.
* We're acquaintances.
* I actually don't know you at all.
* I know you through a mutual friend.
* We're close friends.
* Bestfriend.
* Just friends.
* Met you once.
* You're a homie.
=( I really want to know who this is. I can only think of 2 people who'd it be. Please call me. I miss you too. I want to hangout, let's hangout. I'm free tonight, right now.

What are your thoughts on people who lie? I don't like the idea of them at all. But people make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. I'm forgiving. I treat people how I want to be treated. That's all I have to say.

Some sad singers they just play tragic.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Hi 2010,

I'm Michelle.

2009 was the best and worst year of my life. No Regrets. =) I had a blast. Roller coaster to max. Thanks everyone. You're all great in your own way.
An hour left of the first day of twentyten. It's actually amazing to me, I'm just happy that it's over because it's one step closer to everything. Wow, yes. This is wonderful.

NYSEve: was crazy! Had good outcomes though. Apple cider for the win. Seriously, that stuff is really good. It goes so fast too, everyone secretly loves it they just never buy it, but that's just a theory.

Resolutions for now:

-Eat less junk.
-Run more.
-Try best not to sin.
-Love more.
-Learn lots.
Are u sad that the rev from avenged sevenfold died? I'm not going to lie, a7x has some good tunes. Unholy Confessions gets me everytime, but I'm not sad.

A close friend:
..or at least I think we're close friends! I hope so. Anyway, who would you say inspires you in your fashion sense and just in general inspires you for the better? Honestly, I'm just starting to pick up a fashion sense, because I'm starting to care. I just know what looks good after seeing what doesn't look good on others. If you knew me a year ago I'd be wearing a tshirt everyday and maybe some not so skinny, 'skinny' jeans. Now to school I wear whatever because it's so and I dgaf what people think @ school. I once wore a poncho and leggings to school with a drawn on mustache, with a canteen and a sombrero. Whoever says I'm insecure is going to have a hard time explaining that one. Now, who inspires me for the better... definitely Jesus. I try my best to not sin, and to avoid sinning at all cost. To tell the truth though, there's never a valid excuse, only fear of failure, consequences, and being hurt. Other than that, I have a lot of older friends that I really look up to and learn from. Not only from how they solve problems, but how they don't. I actually learn more from their mistakes then anything. All you need to succeed are determination, a positive attitude, common sense, charisma, and perseverance. Hard as that. Easy as that. You choose.