Friday, December 31, 2010

Goodnight 2010

Last day of twenty ten was and will be sadly nothing extravagant. Everyone have a safe and amazing new year. :)

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Tuesday of my break was....

Chris's birthday party and then playing call of duty with Kenny for 20 hours.
The end.

I'm at this again......
*Best friend.
*Close friend.
HI CUTIE MWAH :-* LOVE YOUUUUUUU. Thanks for the present. ;)

Thanks for you being awesome enough for me to buy you one. Love you.

*Close friend.
You can be pretty awesome sometime.... I like you.

I love you.

Your turn..... leave me something, tell me a story, ASK ME A QUESTION:

Monday, December 27, 2010

Don't Trust Anyone

People will always be shady.
Just learn that there is literally no one but you and Jesus.
People will always fucking leaving you.
No matter what.
Get used to it....... I am.

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions?
I'm in better shape, or I was a week ago... breaks kinda screw me over when it comes to fitness.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

4. Did anyone close to you die?
no :)

5. What countries did you visit?

8. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?
Moving on with my life. Playing cod on veteran, and surviving.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not taking advantage of opportunities at hand.. oh and I hid my emotions... scary good... like a pro... like a boss

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I was punched in the face... it's actually not as bad as I anticipated

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I don't know why but I bought my friend a painting for Christmas just the other day and I think I was more excited about it then he was... it just had so much thought!! I rule sometimes!!!!!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Me for buying that painting ^ hahaha just kidding ;) I'd have to commend everyone who put up with my antics this year. Friends played a big role in my life this year..

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I try not to blame others intentions/actions on my feelings, sure they may have effected them, but I like to find comfort in believing my emotions answer to no one

14. Where did most of your money go?
I went through a period where I believed the only thing to do on a weekend was watch a 10 dollar movie and buy some routine meal at a poor lit restaurant across the way

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I get really, really, really, excited about lots of things... This question holds no superior authority in this case, at least not for 2010 (that I can remember right now anyhow)

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
Frozen Creek (Hahahah good timessssssss)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier but only because this last year I was in a fucked up state of mind. It's funny because 2009 was such a paradox, so of the best and worst times of my life all rolled up into this one.
b) thinner or fatter? Thinner.... but I weigh more, because I work out at 7 every morning
c) richer or poorer? Poorer. I was homeless in some recent intervals of this year..

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
I didn't go to Disneyland as much as last year, ummmm I wish I read more... nah that's lame I wish I hugged longer and not gave a shit longer

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Complaining and eating

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Already spent with my refreshed family relationships, and even found out I have an awesome cousin in law ahhaha

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?

22. How many one-night stands?

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Fringe and Rob Dydrek's Fantasy Factory

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

25. What was the best book you read?
to kill a mockingbird

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

27. What did you want and get? ops

28. What did you want and not get?
love in certain forms and more free time

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
Inception was pretty awesome.... partly because I watched it tonight and have a horrible memory

30. What did you do on your birthday?
This birthday wasn't that great actually... spent it with friends, got dressed up, and went to dennys hahahahaa watched an infamous friend's old video (bratrk)

31.What was one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
.....shut up

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
......the 'whatever I felt like wearing that day' concept

33. What kept you sane?
Since when was I sane?

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Clint Eastwood

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Maybe the fake ass swine flu scare and 'Obama where is your birth certificate' campaign

36. Who did you miss?
Friends who drifted, but they're all back now so it's all good :)

37. Who was the best new person you met?
Hm.... Oscar is pretty great (when he wants to be) oh wait sorry oscar, Anis Mojgani

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
Let's see FUCK IT....WHATEVER EVERYONE ELSE THINKS IS WRONG. Hahaha, just realize that all you have is yourself and Jesus when push comes to shove. DTA

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"I am young but no longer impressionable."
"You're the only proper noun I need."
"Fuck that old shit, I'm on new things."
"I ain't got a home, I'll forever roam."
"Everyone here is good tonight except the niggas that I came with, they good for life."
"I can't pay my rent, but I'm fucking gorgeous."
"And party, and bullshit, and party, and bullshit."

40. Any things you'd like to mention about 2010?
-Met Craig Owens.
-Set your goals at house of blues had the best set of your life.
-Lost friends, got back friends.
-Got Carolina the best birthday present ever... The poem reading was amazing.
-Partied with Anis Mojgani among other amazing poets.
-Hot boys are amazing, but the boys who will always be there are even better.. but the hot boys that will always be there are the best.
-Poetry & Writing = a newfound passion?
-Not giving a shit is the cure to any situation.
-When judging someone just keep in mind that you don't know what they've been through...
-Was homeless.
-Found out people care about you. Found out that people you didn't even knew cared for you, care for you.
-People come and go... what else is new. The people who always come back are loyal.
-Can now play call of duty on veteran. Sweeeeeeeet.
-You were in a school play.
-You died you hair brown.
-Went to New York / DC. Liked New York better.
-You walked a few miles with Carolina and got drenching, drenching wet. Don't walk to rite aid in long beach during a rain storm. You'll almost get killed by flying palm tree limbs. Actually... do it, it was fun.
-You will dance around after getting 3 stars on everything in a section of special ops on codmw2.
-You will never beat procrastination, might as well accept that now..
-You can be hot when you want to be.
-I seriously think wOw has like some additive something in it. It's weird...
-Things will be okay.
-There is no time for bullshit.

Pictures of 2010, because I want to:

...actually pictures & more later because it just went from 2 to 4 in a milla. For the record it's 4:20 am not whatever it says V (that's when it first saved)
Isn't it funny how things work out....


Because I know that this was all the confirmation I needed.

Today was pointless.
It's only days like these that make me feel disgusting.
I'm looking forward to summer already....

Sunday, December 26, 2010

It's one of those days

I guess I'll go to sleep now..

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Jesus's birthday Day.
Love and love and love and love and love and love you. All.

Friday, December 24, 2010


Your iridescent smiles.
Your inconsiderate laughs.
Your unintentional gibes and hymns.
Your secrets of love and hate.
Your unmeasurable self proclaimed loathed, but undeniably loved, 'intelligence'.
Your capability only shines through intermittently.
You remind me of Hayley's comet.
Your bipolar personality swallows you whole under scrutiny of the respected species.
You make me sick.
Not because your real quintessence is malice..
because you are competent.
You are perfectly competent, and it bugs the shit out of me.
I hate you because I am unable to make my mind up about you.
My failure to place you in a single bracket of character kills me.
It kills me.
I catch myself wishing you never proved yourself, so I would have nothing to miss.
I wish I cared as much as this leads on.

(Purely inspiration...I promise)

On the contrary I'm having an awesome day!
Merry Christmas Eve everyone!
Love yall... forrreallll.
Can't wait to listen to Jessica's mix cd she made me.

Words of wisdom:

Monday, December 20, 2010

Sometimes it's okay to start over.
Sometimes it's okay to start fresh.
Take a deep breathe.
Life goes on.
You will be ok.
I promise.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

24 hours

People amaze me.
People disappoint me.
People love me.
People look down on me.
People get mad at me.
People laugh with me.
People laugh at me.
People leave me.
People talk to me.
People don't talk to me.
People want me.
People don't want me.

All in one day...
Appreciate what you have and who you have while you're able to.
The end.
The things you thought you didn't like will be the things you wish you could get back.
That's all.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

wrote this on the back of a rugby flyer the other day because my brain wouldnt let me sleep

I stopped trying to be pretty the day someone told me I was.
I live for laughs, but love it when I cry.
I run back to black when it's time to reflect.
I want to blend in with the asphalt I just picked my feet from.
I see nothing but sun.
I am nothing but walked upon.
I find all street rats and washed up road kill.
I blend in with everyone and everything;
no one ever looks at their own feet.
I am beat every time the rain falls,
listening to the cries of the child,
and home to the glass the broom left behind.
I do not talk,
but tell the stories.
My silence stabs harder then any word could.
The sun only sets on days you sleep early.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Organizing my thoughts

I tried finishing my homework.
I really did.
I blasted music when I started falling asleep, tried seeking help so it would go faster, didn't go pee so my brain would stay alert, but....
didn't finish.
Another late assignment in for icps.
I'll be able to finish everything in 4th, but I still am disappointed...

I'll be putting up a wishlist soon... probably.
Sorry everyone, haven't gone shopping for anybody yet.
I'm tired.
Rugby was lame tonight.
People were lame tonight.
Highlight(s) of day: Gentlemen and the car ride home.
The end.
I'll be writing everyone letters during 4th as well... so maybe I can hand people a little something when they give me gifts. :)
Oh, caroling bright and early tomorrow.
Too lazy to find a festive outfit; I do think I'm going to buy star bucks for the occasion though. :)
Oh and then I just remembered the ASB party is tomorrow, and then I want to go to Carolinas hizhouse..........
Low(s) of the day: My phone being stolen, misplaced, or eaten. Forever a mystery...
I have a lot of mix cds to make..............

Let the fun begin.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

My english homework.
Took me a year and a half.
I still win.
The end.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

The play is over.
I wonder if I'll ever do another one.
I wonder if I'll talk to these people again.
I wonder if I'll ever hang out with them again...
Probably not.
That's it....
I'm not sad.
Just reflecting...
It was a lot of work, and in the process I've grown to know and love and slap people along the way.

Parabolas (etc.) from Everynone on Vimeo.

As seen on WNYC's Radiolab

Saturday, December 11, 2010

The dark side of the moon

I just blinked so much that I had to cry
You impressed me
I feel like i know you, reading verses after verses and prose after prose.
you amaze me.
I want to love you.
Your love is like the dark side of the moon.
I will never see it; I can only imagine what if feels like.
Maybe it's cheese.
Maybe a mouse lives there and its trying to hide from us all so it can eat its home with out us seeing, so we don't have a chance to tell him no..
Tell me no.
I want to move on and go to sleep, strike another X on my calander and keep telling myself, 'I can't wait for next year.'
I can't wait for next year.
Pull the blankets down so I can see you.
I want to see you.
Bare down to the essence of your pure.
I want to feel you.
I want to read your mind and hold you till I die.
I want to know what you feel like before that mouse eats your insides..
Tell me I'm right because I'll never dream if you lie.
And tell me I'm wrong because I'll never speak if you don't.
My fingers tip tap till the sun comes up.
It's all the time I have.
I fear the sun because it looks so much like me.
Rises and sets.
Sets and rises.
It keeps looking and looking for the moon, but never finds it.
How can I get caught if I can't even smell the cheese on the mouse trap..
I can't wait for next year.

I think I'm coming undone.

I'm like a paper bag but the bottoms wet, it must be something bleeding internally inside..
I love when music makes me cry.
Gives me a glimpse of real.
As I turn up the vibes, telling myself its okay to clap to the pulse.
Show some heart because what you're hearing is pure feeling.
Close your eyes and trust the neighboring shoulders to hold you up.
Take it in.
Let it seep.
Close your eyes.
You might not get another feeling like this again.
It's nights like these I don't ever want to sleep.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Opening Night went by unbelievably fast. Thank you to everyone who came out or is going to come out. Love you all. Love everyone in the cast. Love everyone who helped make it happen. One down, three to go.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

This time tomorrow I'll be getting ready for opening night...


This just got serious.

Monday, December 6, 2010

I have headache.
I am super tired.
I haven't started my homework.
I have a super big test tomorrow.
The play is this Wednesday, and I'm not ready..
I still have tickets to sell.
I'm always falling asleep during class.
I'm going to have a crap load of missing assignments by the end of this week because any spare time I have, I'll be sleeping..
If I wanted to go to bed a reasonable time, I would have no social life, so that establishes that..
I don't know what I'm going to eat for dinner...
My friend ignored my call, and the one who was supposed to be on the way to study isn't here yet.
This has been my life recently...
No breaks.
The end.
Might I add sleep is now purely for survival.

Saturday, December 4, 2010


1. What are your initials?

2. What is your favorite thing to wear?

3. Last thing you ate?

4. One place you will NEVER eat at?
....what kind of question is this?

5. I say Shotgun, you say:
grenade launcher

6. Last person you hugged?
uh.... bear actually haha

7. Does anyone you know wanna date you?
not that I know of....

8. Would you date anyone you met online?

9. Name something you like physically about yourself:

10. The last place you went out to dinner to?
Denny's w/ asb

11. Who is your best friend?
I have a few

12. What time of the day is it?
2:45 am

13. Who/What made you angry today?
ignorance and when tests are harder than you anticipated and homework

14. Baseball or Football?

15. Ever gone skinny dipping?

16. Favorite type of Food?

17. Favorite holiday:
Christmas / Halloween

18. Do you download music:
19. Do you care if your socks are dirty?
20. Opinion of Chinese symbol tattoos?

21. Would you date the person who posted this?
22. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally?
Yes! I actually was to naive to know how to handle it..

23. Do you love anyone?
Life would be nothing in the absence of love.

24. Are colored contact lenses sexy?
they're fake

25. Have you ever bungee jumped?

26. Have you ever gone white-water rafting?
no... stop making me feel like a loser

27. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you?

28. How many pets do you have?

29. Have you met a real redneck?
time for a good question

30. How is the weather right now?
I don't know why don't you go outside at 3 in the morning and let me know how it is..

31. What are you listening to right now?
rocket to the moon ..shuffle

32. What is your current favorite song?
I don't commit to favorites; changes every five seconds

33. What was the last movie you watched?

34. Do you wear contacts?

35. Where was the last place you went besides your house?

36. What are you afraid of?

37. How many piercings have you had?

38. What piercings do you want?

39. What's one thing you've learned this year?
What I learned today: Poke wholes through the rim of a gallon of paint so the left over paint drains instead of dripping down the side
Generic answer: Don't assume someone is a good/bad person until you know them.

40. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
carmel frap / white choc mocha. IM SO ORGINAL GUYS

41. What Magazines are you reading?
We're in a recession...
42. Have you ever fired a gun: no. watch bowling for columbine and get back to me

43. Are you missing someone? Yes, but we're going to be reunited very, very soon!

44. Favorite TV show?
Rob Dydrek's fantasy factory / fringe / ncis / modern family / before you die

45. Do you have an obession with WoW?
for the horde

46. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb?
various celebs or that i look familiar ... all the time

47. What celeb do you look like?
I've gotten.. ellen page (no), sam or whatever (no), umm ya I dont remember whatever

48. Who would you like to see right now?
Carolina, rocky, julio, justin bobby, young dicaprio, notebook ryan gosling, jake g

49. Favorite movie of all time?
I don't commit to favorites

50. Do you find yourself loved?
I consider my self loved.

51. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't suppose to?
nooooo I havent

52. Favorite smell?

53. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn?
54. Ever put a friend in a cop car on YA every chance I get...

55. Ever been in a cop car in real life?
no in my fake life though

56. Has anyone you were really close to passed away recently?
no actually..

57. Our Lady Peace or Nickelback?
58. What's something that really bugs you or is bugging you right now?
Bad Friends / shy / i dont knows and i guess -es / hot boys not with me / homework / not having time for anything / not being confident with where i am with the play

59. Do you like Michael Jackson? 5
60. Taco Bell or Burger King? neither

61. What's your favorite perfume?
Daisy - mc

62. Favorite baseball team?
63. Ever call a 1-900 phone number?
64. Nipple or Nose rings?

65. What's the longest time you've gone without sleep?
what's sleep?

66. Last time you went bowling?
aww I want to go now!!!

67. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
Abraham Lincolns memorial in dc

68. Who was your last phone call?

69. Last time you were at work?
school is work.
70. What's the closest orange object to you?
publish post button V

Monday, November 29, 2010

I feel accomplished.
I completed a satisfactory amount of my homework (past and present), so I'm going to bed happy knowing that I have late start tomorrow.
I hope that everyone had an exhilarating and awesome and memorable and fulfilling break.
I miss holiday projects and essays they used to make you write, oh and the arts and crafts presents we used to always make for our parents for mother's/father's day, and those presents would always save us, because we didn't own a calendar when we were that young.... and now we're too busy to remember. That's why I miss holiday arts and crafts most. I was inspired because I was reading some of my friend's thanksgiving speechs, what they were thankful for and all of that....

I plain and simply am thankful to be able to learn each and everyday I live on this earth, whether it be subconsciously or consciously. I am thankful for the opportunity that comes with each daybreak. I may not agree with a lot of the choices our government makes, or a lot of the choices our mainstream america influences us to make, but regardless, to be free in the sense, I am able to have this blog, and have the ability and education to speak my mind is an ability many others aren't as lucky to withold. I am thankful for everyone who contributes(ed) to my life in any shape or form, and I blindly, but modestly apologize if I do not treat any one of you how you should be treated. Whether you know it, or whether I know it sometimes, I love you. I love you. And I love you.

The end. Goodnight.

Reminder to all (especially me): Try not to stress too much... A) School is important, but you know you're going to pass, so don't worry to much about it... B) There will be many more hot single boys in college. C)You're a teenager. You need your sleep, so go ahead and sleep in until the pms sometimes.. Oh, and you need more calories than adults to function, eat the cookie... D) You'll get your chance. May not be tomorrow, or this year, but you will get your chance. There is no need to be jealous.

Sometimes you have to sit down and talk some sense into yourself.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Today was all Work. Today was my first whole day of break. Felt good.
I was the first to wish you happy birthday in my book. Just sayin.

Diana you were the biggest help hands down. Love you booboo.
We may not be the best dancers but at least we try. Yeeeeeeeeee.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

"While friendship has been by far the chief source of my happiness, acquaintance or general society has always meant little to me, and I cannot quite understand why a man should wish to know more people than he can make real friends of."

- C. S. Lewis, Surprised by Joy

At least we leave here together

I don't tell people anything.
Keeps things uncomplicated.
I like when I find someone new or just someone that knows how to talk.
Keeps my mind off things.

You should never travel alone.
One false step and you might not make it home.

People are coming over tomorrow for the skit.
Haven't cleaned. Crunch time tomorrow morning. :)
Thug life.
I love to live life on the edge.

I think I'm realizing how much I don't think this play is ready to go on.
Jesus be with us.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Islands Disappear

I'm just glad it's break.
Definitely excited for a newfound band that has potential.
Already burned a CD... :)

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

raw(forgive me) from my notebook

I don't pay attention to the weather anymore.
I keep my legs moving, and try not to fall asleep.
I grip my pencil too hard, and push with all my might.
I've warned lovers before.
Don't bullshit a bullshitter.
Because I push when it's already been pushed.
I keep your reminder at my nose.
It keeps my eyes from becoming closed and
I wish we were all equal here.
And I hear the thunder,
and I feel the lighting,
but I can't remember the day it all became noise.
It all became static when I stopped paying attention in class.
Or maybe because I realized my goals don't involve math class.
I say rain when it's only a drizzle; because
I listen to Why? instead of Y-G,
and I don't cry,
I shed tears.
And I keep my heart on the loose,
but my feelings on lock.
And I've knocked on the wrong doors,
hoping they were the right one.
Couldn't find one,
So I wrote one.
Live like it's your last day, but
be someone you want to know because life means nothing without love.
But it seems these days all I want to do is sleep and play.
Sleep and play.
If only I could remember the day it all became noise.

Monday, November 15, 2010

homecoming dress

for the peeps who didnt go i know some yall wanted to see it

Sunday, November 14, 2010

1. What was the highlight of your week?
Call of duty with jessica and oscar...maybe getting more kills then him

2. Whose car were you in last?

3. When is the next time you will kiss someone?
Soon enough

4. What color shirt are you wearing?
rockys old volcom shirt

5. How long is your hair?
little longer than shoulder length.. growing it out ; I'm excited :)

6. Are you good looking?
I'm not ugly

7. Last movie you watched?
Knott... something with julia roberts

8. Who were you with?
Jaynee Jessica and my mom

9. Last thing you ate?

10. Last thing you drank?
generic rootbeer

11. When was the last time you had your heart broken?

12. Who came over last?

13. Are you happy right now?

14. What did you say last?
I've just been laughing by myself for a while now oh... "What?!" at a couple pictures

15. Where is your phone?
who cares

16. What color are your eyes?

17. Are you left-handed?

18. Spell your name without vowels: no

19. Do you have any pets?

20. Favorite Vacation?
Any vacation

21. What do you dislike currently?
homework and having to wait

22. What are you listening to?
ryan leslie

23. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?

24. What is your favorite scent?
daisy by marc

25. Who makes you happiest?
any charming/aesthetically appealing/smells good boy

26. What were you doing at midnight last night?
talking to jessica and oscar

27. When is your birthday?
may 22

28. Who has the same phone as you?
who cares

29. Last time you went swimming in a pool?
too long

30. Do you read your horoscope?
I actually read one today after not in a long time... I don't believe in horoscopes though

31. Where was the last place you bought something?
who cares

32. How do you feel about your hair right now?
the longer it gets, the happier

33. Do you bite your nails?

34. Do you have any expensive jewelery?
35. Do you have any expensive jewelery?
36. Myspace or facebook?
whats myspace?

37. How fast have you driven a car?
not very fast... the emergency break was down

38. Have you ever smoked?
39. What was or is your favorite subject in school?
english because of writing

40. Do you have Verizon?
for tv

41. What type of boy or girl do you usually fall for?
-taller than me
-smell good

42. Do you have any hidden talents?

43. Favorite Song?

44. Do you like to sing at all?
for fun

45. Dream Job?
director of film / creative writing teacher / not having to have a "job"

46. Where does most of your family live?
the states

47. Are you an only child or do you have siblings?

48. Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?

49. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?
what time is it

50. Do you drink?

51. Know any other languages?
nope I suck

52. Ever write a coded message?
yes and yes

53. Have you ever been IN a wedding?
no and no... have I ever been to a wedding?

54. Do you have any children?

55. Did you take a nap today?

56. Who has the same birthday as you?

57. Ever met anyone famous before?

58. Do you want to be famous one day?

59. Any Pet Peeves?
excuses and lack of creativity and medicine and lies and shady business and janky friends

60. Are you multitasking right now?

61. Do you like Britany Spears?
opps i did it again

62. What is your least favorite chore?

63. Last place you drove your car?
64. Ever been out of the country?

65. Where were you born?
southern california actually isnt that bad

66. Could you handle being in the military?
heck no

67. What is your average cell phone bill?
68. Who are you thinking about right now?
the homework I'm not going to want to do tomorrow and if I turned my xbox off or not

69. When was the last time you laughed REALLY hard?
watching jessicas video a few hours ago

70. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
dont have time to do things like count my shoes

71. Are your toes always painted?
painted them today

72. How many piercings do you have?

73. What are you doing today?
homework sleep call of duty eat shower plan pray

74. Have you ever been gambling?
75. When is the last time you updated your page?
76. Do you like rollercoasters?
Can't get enough of em; I always single rider california screamin

77. Have you ever been to disneyland or world?
Disneyland. Always.

78. Do you have a favorite cartoon character?
79. Last thing you cooked?
80. How's the weather?
81. Do you e-mail?
82. What's the stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
83. Last time you were sick?
no... I don't take medicine
84. What states have you lived in?
just 1
85. Do you wish you could move?
maybe a different country

87. What is your dream car?
classic mustang but I wouldnt mind driving the old crv, the old range rovers, or even a cute little black volvo 240

88. Have you ever wanted someone you cant have?
If I wanted someone I could have....

89. If you could be anywhere right now where would it be?
summer in somewhere nice with them wanted peeps

90. Are you happy with your life?
could be worse

Someone go get me something to drink.
Someone go do my homework.
Someone go memorize my lines.
Someone go run off the sandwich I'm eating.
Someone go research how much I need to study if I want to be accepted to NYU.
Someone go find my xbox games in those pile of xboxes.
Someone explain to me why I find nothing significant.

Greatest fear? Childbirth.
Greatest problems?
Lack of motivation.
Lack of sympathy.... for anyone.
Lack of patience.

So what do you care about these days?
Hot boys.
Beating a special op on Veteran.
Good food.
Real friends.

I bottle my emotions. I don't try to. Just how I work.

This is for the forgotten.
The parents of the pregnant daughter.
The teachers of the genius.
The mother of the infamous terrorist.
The vets who have to put down the pets.
The great grandmas and great grandpas.
The middle aged people.
The janitors.
The mailmen.
The editors.
The football game announcers.
The funeral home hearse drivers.
The plumbers and cable installers.
The 911 dispatchers.

.. .... more to come I've got things to do.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

I don't know where I would be if I didn't have friends and their shoulders to catch my tears.

"Do you get scared?"
"You weren't scared tonight?"

Being able to hide nothing from someone is a beautiful thing. Being raw is a beautiful thing. Being transparent and exposed completely is a beautiful thing. Being able not to worry about what another will think of you if you break down is a beautiful thing.
If I can say one thing honestly its that I'm worry free. Not literally, but respectively, and big picture wise, I am worry free. Not sure why, just am...

"I'm just glad it's over."

Monday, November 8, 2010

Didn't get much accomplished as far as homework. And as far as tomorrow goes all I'm going to be working on is my essay/ap card. I'll have to make up all the late crap later. I've decided I want to major in creative writing. Maybe be a creative writing teacher..... maybe write movies....... I'm going to move to New York for a year if anything. Think about researching nyu they've got a good program for creative writing there, and that'd just be amazing. Going to sleep I've got some things to think about. High school ain't anything.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

period 3 on thursday (instead of taking notes)

Girl in the corner doesn't talk.
Just slouches her back.
I turn for reassuring eyes but sometimes miss.
I hit girl in the corner.
Girl in the corner is already looking at me,
girl in the corner turns away fast;
it's too late.
Girl in the corner frightens me.
The hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
Not because girl in the corner is suspicious.
I'm afraid that girl in the corner has seen me.

Why do we spend so much time on Math?
Meaningless craft.
Hours you'll never get back.
Might die in a car crash.
Good to know your last hours were spend with math.
Learning about problems you'll never have to crack.

If I can't write numbers in numbers (1 in comparison to one) in math class
I won't write numbers at all.
I live for the weekends.
Tomorrow is going to be stressful.
This weekend is going to be stressful.
Next week is going to be stressful.
And the weekend after this one.
Then the following month.
Then the following 7 months.
But when does the stress stop?
When can I stop trying to catch up to tired?
But how about when I don't have summer anymore?
Sit down world.
Life has begun.

Ms. Talks just talks and talks.
I hate when Ms. Talks talks.
Some of the things she says sound like Spanish...
to many "R's".
I look at Jessica to tell her something every 2 seconds.
Ms.Talks notices.
We're laughing about something hard.
Ms.Talks asks if we're okay.
A subtle attempt to tell us to shut up.
Ms. Talks will never know when I sleep behind the kid who I can't understand in front of me.
Ms. Talks will never know when I eat pocky behind the kid I can't understand.
But Ms. Talks will always know when I pass a note to Jessica about the hot boys at are our school.
She read one once.
I secretly love Ms.Talks.
Just not when Ms.Talks says something to the sort of "check this out".
To bad Ms.Talks will always play by the rules.
Ms. Talks and I would have been good friends...

Friday, November 5, 2010

One of the best nights of my life. I can't even explain it... doesn't feel real yet. Not sure if it ever will.... Being put on a boat with 10 amazing people out of the however many billion there are on this earth. This was meant to be. A night I'll always remember.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

I get to see Anis Mojgani tomorrow. This was meant to be Carolina; I know it.....

Monday, November 1, 2010

Feels good to have a home again.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Everybody Scream

Say it once
Say it twice
Take a chance
Roll the dice

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Reverse psychology

I live for the weekends.
I'm tired.
I love Carolina.
Dressed up today / first time mc-ing an event. :)
I don't feel like doing homework...ever.
The fact that we have semester grades wills me to much time to slack off.
Moving into a house this weekend!
I'm super excited for Homecoming weekend!! I have a really good feeling it's going to be awesome..
Carolina's birthday is the 1st. Meme.
Sleeping in is going to be the life of me.
Naps are the life of me.
I can't wait to move into the house. I need that shit.
Fuck that old shit I'm on new things.
Rethinking what matters in life.
Thinking about what I want to do in life.
What I really need to get there.
In regards to school I guess.... some of the classes I'm going to be able to take, I'm not sure I will. Not because it's to hard. Because I want to have a life. And I don't need AP chemistry or what have you; I know I'm not going to take a career in anything where science/math are crucial elements. Hell no. I like creative writing. I like leading a group of people. I like running meetings. I like making videos. I like the outdoors. I like having free time. I like hot boys. I like traveling. I like making people think. I like running around being crazy. I like napping. I like acting. I like dancing. I like sleeping in. I like shooting zombies and terrorists with my friends. I like versatility. I like music. I like freedom.
I don't need to make a lot of money. I'm not so sure I want to go to some big university. I'm not willing to spend all my energy on school. I'm not willing to waste my time taking classes in subjects I'm not going to pursue. I'd rather use my energy on something I actually take interest in.

I see you.
You smile.
I'm busy.
You don't hold it against me.
Your eyes are hidden, but I already know.
This answer needs no explanation.
I knew I'd hear from you the minute I forgot you were there.
That was your plan.
I complied consciously.
You think you've got the upper hand.
How long until you find out..
I see you.

Tension lingers in the air.
We try avoiding it.
It's everywhere.
Attraction is undeniable.
Hormones rage.
No self control.
The animals released from their cage.
They're everywhere.
No turning back.
The beats are ready to be played.
Head to heart.
Heart to chest.
The silence said the rest.
It's everywhere.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Busy being busy.
What else is new?
I need some love.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Life. People around me don't know what's going on, but they look at me like they do. And when they find out what's really happening, they become a different species. No comfortable place to be, that's home to me... People around you 24/7. There is no privacy here. No privacy where you need it most....from the people you need it most. The bathroom doesn't even have a lock. Not knowing when you're going to get out; if you're going to get out. Not even giving a shit anymore... No place to think. Problems and pets and smoke lingering from the last people to sleep in the bed you're sleeping in haunts the room. There is no where to run. Becoming a burden on people's doorsteps already, I can't even ask to move in somewhere. Homework gets harder and harder to start because all I want to do is sleep. Things that seemed to have so much meaning, things that used to be so important, don't have much significance anymore. Trying to find motivation everywhere I go. I have so much more sympathy for everything now. A different view on life, and I'm not even out yet.. Little things seem so much bigger now. How a hug from a cute boy can make my day, to one my bestfriends pushing my head into the ground saying "lay down bitch" because I made a point (so funny), to hearing someone make in a funny accent say "im a the manager", to not having play rehearsal, to not having to give up my lunch to make a up a quiz, to not having to take the math test because I didn't study for it. People who shouldn't care do, and people who should care don't. Life.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Is it my turn yet?

Haven't had the time to blog... my favorite thing to do.
To sum it up:
School/homework = time consuming.
Money = been creating boundaries.
Distance = I don't get to see some of my best friends often....ever.
Since I haven't been able to write here, I write in a notebook during school (when I'm drifting off or can't think because teases are on my jock :,( ) I'll type one of my entries out on here soon because blogspot is special to me...

Since I don't have time to catch you up on everything, I'll start with today.

What sticks out to me right now about these past 24 hours... Can I just say how much I hate being teased.................................. Funny how I'm listening to "already taken" right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :( :( :(

Can I get some single boys; I'm no home wrecker. Kthanks. (As I cry...)

I've been hanging out with the JJs lately.. Oh how I'd like a week of no school so I can accomplish everything I need to accomplish, and see everyone I need to see. I really am missing a lot of some really important people in my life, and I'd like to diminish all of these feeling as soon as possible.


(Events are purely inspiration--- I'm not physco)

Feelings being smothered by morals.
Oh how sweet I see the prize to be.
I wonder if I'll ever be good enough.
Take time out of the day
just to make sure I'll be thinking about you as you walk away.
You play me just right
your touch keeps me here
I wouldn't dare to move a muscle unless it was so I could feel yours
Others jumping to conclusions around us
And I wonder if I'll ever be good enough.
I look for an escape route. Found one.
Don't move.
Focus on you.
Physically deprived...
Beggars can't be choosers.
As I listen to trey songz I could swear he was there.
Please help me....
My hormones are uncontrollable.
Now that is something which is obviously mutual............
Mutual feelings?
I feel like crying again.
We are nothing but two teenagers begging for attention.
Attention we can return.
Favors, that's all.
That's all.
Your body's talking and I'm loving what it says.
That's all.

Monday, October 11, 2010


I love how you love Mondays...

You better go to homecoming. I'm going alone as of right now.... single and sad.

Friday, October 1, 2010


Too tired for my own good.
Too mature for my own good.
Too understanding for my own good.
Too full for my own good.
Too honest for my own good.
Too witty for my own good.
Too lazy for my own good.

You still want to be friends? Because I'm free...

Free as can be.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I hope this ain't one of those forever things, it's funny how money changes everything.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Sometimes you have to be a rebel.

I refuse. I refuse to let high school English beat the creativity out of my writing. MLA format you will not be the death of me. I promise you that. If it is only this blog that lets me write the way I choose to, so be it. I will not fail. And, (ya thats right bitches I started a sentence with and) over my dead body will I forget my Roots (hell yes I capitalized an improper noun).

That's all I have to say about that.
Everything about blogs are raw.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

And I'm gonna keep it honest;

I'm tired of being subtle.

Date with myself tonight. Doing nothing. With no-one. Refreshing. I do want some water though..

Update on my life:
Today was longest day ever; I went to a speech/debate tournament with a few kids from my school. We found out about it last week. Had no practice. Researched the night before. Now, we did go to have fun, which I did, but student congress is really intimidating when you have nothing solid, when you don't know what you're talking about... Especially when everyone else in the room has been practicing for months. It was also cool being referred to as "Senator Martinez". Really good experience overall! Also really interesting seeing what other people had to say. Over all it was awesome. I also met some extraordinary people as well, some of which will go on to lead our country one day! Guarantee.. What else is new... oh yeah I made the play, so I'm really excited about that. I'm the cook... hehehe. First rehearsal is monday, I have to finish reading the whole script tomorrow, as well as finish my homework, as well as pack, as well as go to game stop, as well as hangout with Julio and hopefully Sammy! One of the biggest things going on with me right now is my living situation. I will be out of the house by ...tuesday night/maybe wes. I don't know where I'm going yet, and I don't know how things are going to pan out. Which means I'll most likely be living in a motel again for a while until we get things settled. Which hopefully won't be long. No, I am not scared. Am I happy about the situation.. no. Do I believe it's the end of the world? No. I am not ashamed of my living conditions, nor will I be of future living conditions. As an adolescent I have come to terms with the fact that some elements in life are out of my hands. As an adolescent I have also collectively found that no matter what it is my job to make the best of whatever I have at the time. Which will always be better than someone else's. I believe I am blessed. Challenges I'll come across over the next few months of my life will ultimately make me a stronger individual. I am not afraid. I am, however, tired...... To wrap things up, I'll keep things short. I miss my friends. I want to go to disneyland. Due to extensive studying, I am caught up in my Spanish class. I've thrown up twice during my zero accelerated pe class, and will probably do it sometime again this week. I have been shivering easier recently. I don't know why... I hope when we go back to motel6 it's hot so I can use the pool.

Uh due to me falling asleep this is the end of update numbero uno.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010


Nothing keeps me entertained for long enough. I want a boy....just sayin.

I am living in a motel for a few days.. harder than it sounds. Despite everything, despite things I say sometimes, thank you Jesus. I am still thankful, and I am still here. And I am not scared [anymore].

Pray for me. I am happy. I am.
I kind of like school...... I just need my naps.
The end.
Anyone out there?

Monday, September 20, 2010

You know how it be when you start living large. I control my own life; Charles was never in charge.


Shit's going down.


Color Test - Results

Your Existing Situation

Feeling dissatisfied in her current situation and has a strong desire to escape or find an immediate solution.

Your Stress Sources

In the past she was over involved and now emotionally drained.

Your Restrained Characteristics

"Feels she is not receiving her fair share and is unable to rely on anyone for support or sympathy. she keeps her emotions bottled up, leaving her quick to take offense to small things. she tries to make the best of her situation."

"Is emotionally demanding, especially during intimate moments, which leaves her feeling frustrated because she is unable to find a perfect union."

Is satisfied and finds contentment through sexual activity.

Your Desired Objective

Lives life to the fullest. Has a high energy level and is always on the go. she is very active and her actions often lead to success.

Your Actual Problem

Is afraid she will be held back from obtaining the things she wants leading her to act out with a hectic intensity.

Thursday, September 16, 2010


talking about knots in my shoulders
Jimmy Le 10:31 pm
(10:31:13 PM): that means your ribosomes are
(10:31:21 PM): reparing the damaged muscle
(10:31:40 PM): by making proteins, amino acid, to stack upon each other

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

hope he likes it

Dear Officer Ryan,
When I first heard about how we had to write a letter about ourselves, my initial reaction was how it was just another assignment I had to find time to finish. I soon came to remember your lesson about heart. I think the least I can do is speak honestly; if I'm going to spend my time writing this I might as well get something out of it. The first thing I want to say is I am not at all perfect in any way, shape, or form, nor do I expect to be. However, I do try. I think part of the fun in life is improving.. I don't think I would enjoy living as much as I do now if I couldn't learn. I don't know where I'm going with this, but I like to color outside the lines when I get the chance to, and this is supposed to be about me right....right. No grading rubric this time! I guess a good transition into some of what I like to do would be how I like to write. I love the freedom. I like how if I have a pencil in my hand, or access to a computer, I can do whatever I want. I write when I'm happy, sad, and in between. I write to blow off steam, but my favorite time to write is when I am inspired. Inspiration is probably one of the most important aspects in my life. Just about anything I am interested in brings me inspiration at the truck loads. I find people the most and easiest source for new ideas. Why people get mad, why some people react the ways they do, how long people hold grudges, why people hangout with the people they do, and why some people are enormously shy, and others are not. I almost never find answers. I do however look at it as a science experiment in where I collect data and come to a conclusion based on the data, which can be proven wrong at any given time. Speaking of science, one thing I have discovered about myself, is how one my other favorite words is exploration. I constantly find myself exploring certain situations, actions, people, ideas, or anything else I admire, or might want to conquer one day myself. I enjoy analyzing something as simple as a movie plot, to the complexities of positivity. I wasn't always a self proclaimed optimist, but that is what I love most. "Life is a constant work in progress, and I wouldn't have it any other way", some of my favorite lyrics ever, which brings me to another element in my I'm not the most musically talented person, but I do love the insides and outs of the art. I love the real factor embedded into it. I love the underlying meanings just waiting to be plunged into. Everything. One always familiar, and somewhat always there, but relatively recent part of my life is God. Jesus has helped me through, up, and around barriers I would never be able to cross alone. He was there when no one else was. I have been blessed enough to where His existence has been proven to me to the point where it is so tangible now, I could never question Him or doubt Him again. According to Matthew, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." To close, I should say even though I didn't include everything I like to do on my free time, I hope you were able to have a more accurate perception of who I am as a person.
Your pal, Michelle Martinez
PS: Thanks for all your graciously given, and crucially needed guidance!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Psalms, 37: 39-40

"The salvation of the just is from the Lord,
their refuge in time of distress.
The Lord helps and rescues them,
rescues and saves them from the wicked,
because in God they take refuge."

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Can't sleep

1. What is more difficult: looking into someones eyes when telling how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they tell you how they feel?

2. Think of the last time you were angry. Why were you angry?
I don't remember..

3. You will die in three minutes. Last call?
I'd spend it praying for forgiveness honestly.. sorry errbody

4. If you could do anything OR wish anything, what would it be?
I'd ...too shallow

5. You can have one of the following two things: trust or love.

6. You are walking to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss told you if you are late one more time youre fired. Do you save the dog? Heck yes I'd save the dog!!!

7. Would you or have you ever blackmailed someone?
I wouldn't now; the reason I wouldn't now is because I have before.

8. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life. Do you do it? 1 hour..
That'd hurt them and everyone they knew twice as much. No, I wouldn't.

9. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?

10. Does sex=love?

11. Are you old fashioned?
I like vintage yes hahaha

12. Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex?

13. What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back?
Do not

14. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up?

15. Romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them?

16. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, if you HAD to, even if you have "no regrets" what would you change?
I actually had to think about that one..

17. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?
I don't believe in wishes

18. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?

19. You are holding onto your grandmother's dying hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other which one would it be?
I'd throw the baby over my shoulder, to safety, and then save my grandma. Done.

20. When and how was the last time you told someone how you REALLY feel?

If You had three months to live:

21. Do you tell anyone or everyone you are going to die?
Yes I would

22. What do you do with your remaining days?

23. Would you be afraid?
At first

Whats your favorite season?
Summer/Winter. I like the boldness of them both. Those are the only seasons anyone remembers anyway..

How do you want to be remembered after you die?
How I deserve to be remembered..

What's the main thing you want right now?
hot boys, a place to live in a month, a shower, my homework to be done, to be able to wake up early easily

What three things couldn't you live without if you were stranded on a desert island?
people, food, running water

What's your favorite type of weather?
Being cold > being hot

Has anyone hurt you recently? If so who?
Mary punched me a few weeks ago

Do you like to read?

What kind of books do you like to read?
Interesting, hidden meaning type of books

Favorite Authors?

Favorite books?

Are you a night person or a morning person?

What is your perfect paradise?

What country or countries would you like to visit?
Ireland, England, France, somewhere tropical..

Are you happy with the way our country is run?
HAHAHAHAHHA....good one

Do you believe in literal good and evil?
is there any other kind?

Do you swear?
I try not too

Do you believe in the supernatural?
super natural

Favorite stores to shop at?

What's your favorite holiday?
Christmas... all of them

What's your favorite month?

What do you do when your stressed and need to unwind?

1. What was the highlight of your week?

2. Whose car were you in last?
jessicas moms

3. When is the next time you will kiss someone?
you tell me

4. What color shirt are you wearing?

5. How long is your hair?

6. Are you good looking?
When I want to be; I don't think I'm ugly.

7. Last movie you watched?

8. Who were you with?

9. Last thing you ate?
special k

10. Last thing you drank?
root beer

11. When was the last time you had your heart broken?

12. Who came over last?

13. Are you happy right now?
not sad

14. What did you say last?
I laughed last..

15. Where is your phone?

16. What color are your eyes?

17. Are you left-handed?

18. Spell your name without vowels:

19. Do you have any pets?
Brandy and Sassy

20. Favorite Vacation?

21. What do you dislike currently?
homework/stress/knowing things are going to get turned upside down soon

22. What are you listening to?
silence. I cant wake up anyone

23. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?

24. What is your favorite scent?
daisy -marc jacobs

25. What makes you happiest?

26. What were you doing at midnight last night?

27. When is your birthday?
may 22

28. Who has the same phone as you?

29. Last time you went swimming in a pool?
too long

30. Do you read your horoscope?

31. Where was the last place you bought something?

32. How do you feel about your hair right now?
its hard to handle but I'm ready for long hair

33. Do you bite your nails?

34. Do you have any expensive jewelery?

36. Myspace or facebook?
What's myspace?

37. How fast have you driven a car?
the emergency break was up

38. Have you ever smoked?

39. What was or is your favorite subject in school?
English (Writing)

40. Do you have Verizon?

41. What type of boy or girl do you usually fall for?
Sweet. Hot. Smart. Smell good. Charming. Confident. Original.

42. Do you have any hidden talents?
I wouldnt hide something like a talent

43. Favorite Song?
arent we all running? -65dos

44. Do you like to sing at all?
just for fun

45. Dream Job?
movie director

46. Where does most of your family live?

47. Are you an only child or do you have siblings?
1 - mary

48. Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?
I dont smell

49. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?
Do I have to wake up yet?

50. Do you drink?

51. Know any other languages?

52. Ever write a coded message?
Hahahahahaha... I was involved in making one up

53. Have you ever been IN a wedding?

54. Do you have any children?

55. Did you take a nap today?

56. Who has the same birthday as you?
christine le

57. Ever met anyone famous before?

58. Do you want to be famous one day?

59. Any Pet Peeves?
Mean people

60. Are you multitasking right now?

61. Do you like Britany Spears?
I like that Linda likes her

62. What is your least favorite chore?
63. Last place you drove your car?

64. Ever been out of the country?

65. Where were you born?

66. Could you handle being in the military?

67. What is your average cell phone bill?
I'm lucky enough not to pay my own bills yet

68. Who are you thinking about right now?
69. When was the last time you laughed REALLY hard?
the other day

70. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
I dont take time doing those kinds of things

71. Are your toes always painted?

72. How many piercings do you have?

73. What are you doing today?
Sunday.. homework/church/call of duty/food/sleep

74. Have you ever been gambling?

75. When is the last time you updated your page?
what page

76. Do you like rollercoasters?
LOVE them

77. Have you ever been to disneyland or world?

78. Do you have a favorite cartoon character?
79. Last thing you cooked?
80. Hows the weather?
81. Do you e-mail?
82. Whats the stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
buy it

83. Last time you were sick?
I'm healthy 98% of the time

84. What states have you lived in?

85. Do you wish you could move?
I dont have to wish. I'll be out of my house by the 24th of this month.

87. What is your dream car?
classic mustang

88. Have you ever wanted someone you cant have?
Always. hahaha just kidding

89. If you could be anywhere right now where would it be?

90. Are you happy with your life?
It's the only one I have, and it's to short to be anything but.

Friday, September 10, 2010

If you get hurt in a game, there is a player in seconds after you, ready to go. Your replacement. The team keeps playing. Now that you are useless, you are not important anymore..

The clock might stop, but time does not.
Get over yourself. Appreciate what you have because in minutes, years, it can all be taken away from you. Someone will always look better than you. Someone will always be smarter than you. Someone will always finish before you. Someone will always be better than you.

I am so thankful.
A tooth hurts when I chew gum on the right side of my mouth.
Where do I chew?
The right side of my mouth.

.........Answer TBA?

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Everything else falls through the cracks..

School is tiring. I'm sore.


Must complete.....shower.
Anyone else feel like a robot sometimes?
If you're going to be a robot, at least be a positive one.. hahaha

We our all products of something.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Fake people and unnecessary arguments.
I am over this.
I have been over this for a long time...


"Confidence is that inner voice that says you’re becoming what you’re capable of. Confidence is sexy."

Think back to June, were you in a relationship?

What are you listening to?
Was... Maroon 5 - sun

Do you trust all your friends?
Not completely

Did you like anyone last summer?
You could say that

How is your life lately?
Effing great

Could you go out in public, looking like you do now?
I'd like a jacket...for comfort; its cold

Something you’re looking forward to in the next month:
Weekends. Sleep. Weekends. Friends. Boys. Hot boys. Cold weather. Hot boys.

How often do you hold back what you want to say?
Not very often

Is there anyone who understands your relationship status?

Is there someone you’d like to fix things with?
Mmm.... not that I can think of :)

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?
I don’t know anything

Would you ever get a tattoo?
One of these days..

When you say you don’t care, do you mean it?
Why wouldn’t I

Do you know anyone who has messed up your life?
No one has the ability to do that to me..

If you were getting married, who would be your maid of honor?

What happened at 9:00 am today?
Dreams happened. Sweet, sweet dreams..

Do you have a best friend that knows you inside and out?
No one knows me that well. Not even me. Not yet.

Do you dislike anyone right now or recently?
No. :)

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Do you want to get married?
Yes, I want to get married.

What makes you happiest?
Adventures and people who join me along the way. When the people I am proud of, become proud of me. Progress. Being worry free.

Do you regret anything? If you could go back and change something would you? If so, what? I do not believe in looking back.

Where do you want to live when you grow up?
I want to live with someone I love so much, it won't matter where we live.

michelle martinez
Intelligent, emotionally stable, or good looking.
Pick two.
Which would you choose?
Jimmy Le
Not gay
michelle martinez
I'd choose intelligent and good looking
because I could use the two
to get the third.
If I even want the third...

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Strong Vibes...

"All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you."

Good Vibes.
We are all so much more than the eye misleads us to be.

Never Rush

All our heads filled with secrets, biting our tongues every step we take. We all walk on eggshells, not bringing this up, because it might bring that up.. We are all thinking five steps ahead, and sometimes we are both thinking what neither of us want to say, but the chance that one of us could be wrong, we keep our mouths shut. Too many factors running around in our minds, trying to organize it all, not being fast enough... We lose the things that actually matter. Who died when? Whos birthday is it tomorrow? Did I do this? Did I finish that? I don't remember.... Why do you think we remember all the "little" things? We remember all the "little" things because that is all we have room to fit.

(I forgot my Science book in Spanish Class)

Friday, September 3, 2010

Day 3

Nothing special...

Oh wait, hot boy(s). Yes.....
A sight so scarce at my school to be honest.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Day 2

I like my schedule, besides maybe one or two classes..
Tired again.
I want something.
........................nap time? Nap time.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

First Day - Mission Successful.

Home from the first day of the school year. I am over all happy with what I have found; could be better, could always be better.. All I know is I am going to have long days for the whole year. School is going to kick my butt until I get used to things.

I am tired.
................Nap time?

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Two words:

Summer. Over.

The taste lingers laced with a poison which was labeled 'bittersweet'.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Phone conversations with old friends,

I forget how much I love them sometimes....

Don't take anyone for granted. Live and Learn.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Where'd all the signs go?

I don't know where I am.

I really do not know. I need something.


Bonfire today, :).
Positive people. Positive vibes. Positive outcome.
I missed those kids.

Gryffindor FTW


[x] You’ve never done illegal drugs.
[x] You have a lot of friends.
[] You get along with everyone.
[] You haven’t made fun of someone for at least two months.
[] You love soccer.
[] You love baseball.
[x] You’re into writing and art.
[x] Favorite music genre is pop rock.
[x] You believe in “innocent until proven guilty” theory.
[x] Abortion is wrong.
[x] The war against Iraq is unneeded.
[] One of your favourite colours is red or gold.
[x] Good grades at school.
[x] One of the worst things you can do is lie.
[x] You plan on going to college/university.

[] You’re content with mostly everything in your life right now.
[x] You laugh a lot.
[] You like to follow trends.
[] Politics suck.
[x] You love to swim.
[] Water polo is awesome.
[] Pink is one of your favorite colors.
[] Black is morbid & depressing.
[] Michael Jackson is talented as a musical artist.
[x] You’re an optimist.
[] You’re completely straight-edge.
[] You’re very emotional.
[] Rap, R&B, & hip-hop is your favorite music genre.
[] You don’t believe in going steady at a young age.
[x] You’ve made fun of at least one person this week.

[] You’re depressed to a certain extent.
[] You love to read.
[x] You appreciate theatre & arts.
[] Sports suck.
[] You’re shy.
[x] Hate is completely unneeded.
[x] Loyalty is the MOST important thing in a relationship.
[x] You like Indie music.
[] Every once in awhile you have little anger outbursts.
[] Lying is sometimes okay.
[] Blue is one of your favorite colors.
[] Serious is better than funny.

[] There’s at least one person you hate.
[x] Basketball is a good sport.
[] (American) Football is amazing.
[x] Black is a cool color.
[x] You’ve lied about something serious.
[x] You’re a very deep person.
[] You have considered suicide.
[x] Very loyal.
[] You like metal.
[] They make school seem more important than it is.
[] You’re scared to grow up.
[] You’ve done drugs in the past month.
[] Anger is one of your primary feelings.
[] You have trust issues.
[] Guilty until proven innocent.


Thursday, August 26, 2010

Just got home. Tired. Have a rough draft to do...

Woke up late

Whoops. Marys is in the bathroom. Hurry up.

Lottery Ticket

I missed Carolina so much!

It's almost 3am.. I have to get up at 7..
Asb. I need to get my rough draft done for my essay. Clothes shopping. Sleep.

Ugh, I love life. We don't know how good we have it. Why be sad, when we all have the capability of being happy. Depression rhymes with Impression. (I should make shirts that say that) Spread Love.

Don't be jealous of someone until you've put in as much hard work, dedication, passion into something as they have. How do you think they were able to get to where they are now? Spread Respect.

That's it. Relax.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The future's mine to claim.

I have a lot going on now, compared to the past anyway...

If this is love, then I would run far, run fast, from me.
Forgive me if I leave the keys.

Summer has been busy. Only a few days left till school. I still have so much to do.
Its now coming to my attention, or should I say, I've now met the reality that summer has reached an end, and school is already here. I have done a lot this summer, but I do not feel satisfied... at all.

I need to put together an asb folder tonight because I won't have enough time tomorrow morning...

I have to get up at 6:30... lame.

Tonight was fun. I've missed Julio, Vince, and Sam. :)
Sleep soon.
I almost finished my book. Only two chapters left.. Yes. Yes. Yes.

I have a few decisions to make. Goodnight.
You think to yourself as you breathe in. You want to plug your nose, but the moment right before your fingertips touch your nostrils, you stop. You have smelt it before. You realize that it was one of those smells you used to be immune too..(A smell like your house, or your favorite perfume). You want to cry. The smell you were just disgusted by, was one that had brought you so many memories before. Brings back thoughts of someone who was not around anymore. You are ashamed of yourself because you would give anything to go back to when you were immune. You would give anything to have back the smell that your body naturally learned to love. You would give anything to go back to that smell that you learned to love. To go back to that time you were able to learn to love.

Thursday, August 19, 2010


What's worth it?
Who's worth it?
Who do I trust?
Who do I miss?
Who will I always come back to?
Who do I want to be friends with?
Who wants to be friends with me?
Who do I matter to?

Sitting in silence, jogging to try to catch up, when I need to be sprinting to cut it close. Things I just remembered I had to do. Things I should have done that are now going to get in the way of the things I have to do right now. I am so excited for school. I really am, especially when I finish everything I need to finish.. People are so interesting! I am excited for new.. everything. I want it all. Maybe I will find someone who thinks like me, or prioritizes like me. Maybe I will find someone I can't stand. I will study them. I will establish a better idea of who I want to be around, and who I do not want to be around. Who's shy, who's not, and who's annoying. How do people react outside of their comfort zones? I'm excited for the challenge. I'm excited to be pushed maybe a little bit too hard. What's my limit, really? Do I have a limit? New behaviors I've never seen before.. I'm sure someone will catch me off guard. :)
I don't think I'm asking for too much..... all I want is a little adventure.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Shits gone down.

Where would I be without friends or places to go or people I can talk to?

I'm tired of this.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Someone get me emarosa's CD. KThanx.


Monday, August 2, 2010


Don't know what this is. Just is.

You are just a pretty picture from here. You are going no where. Unless you count your next hook up. Otherwise you are looking to no future. Your heart beats cold. You know it. You know it all. People call you brutal. That is them trying to be nice. Don't know who you are. Just know of you. You hide your tears behind shut doors and thick eyeliner. You time your beatings just right, to keep the mystery intact. You never succeed at anything you try. You quit. Mind tricks move along with talks to tell how much you don't care. The longer we go on, we start to see you. That is when you run. Leave the scene and the knife bloody. Still, the dead body has more feeling than you.
You are numb.
That is it.
No turning back.
Life is short, but you are ready to give in.
Your days peel to nothing.
Your life has lead to nothing.
You sit alone.
You talk to lungs, but only for the sound. You find no harm in harm anymore. The time on your watch says 'Stop'. Your life turns to gray. Eyes stop looking. The button at your door is now at 'not pushed'. You are forgotten. Time took you away. Regrets swallowed you whole. Types of us all. Hate of us all. We all know the things said behind our backs we just decide when to turn around. When to confront? Acknowledge everything, before everything stops to acknowledge you. Give yourself a reason to breathe. Let your passion burn stronger than anyone you know. Then find someone who burns brighter than you, and then either A) burn brighter or B ) marry them.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Life has been of no sleep, getting up early, lots of sleep, talking, food, showers, sleep, friends, sleep, movies, late night talking, phone conversations, not reading, asb, dancing, and naps.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Say goodbye

Goodnight Everyone.

The sun is coming up.
The tires are starting to roll.
My eyes leave a story untold.
My mouth opens, but no words are spoke.
I wonder if I'll ever be home.
Finding faces to keep,
I've got spaces to fill.
An empty place, I'm trying to rebuild.
No matter how hard I search,
No matter how far my imagination runs,
It's never enough.
No eye is spied.
Only time left to tell,
Ticking and ticking,
No story left to spill.
I'm a spoiler and a sneak peak,
when it's over, it's over.
You want me till you got me.
On to the next best thing.
I look for water in a drought.
I push it when it's already been pushed.
Abused and reused.
I'm already used to being confused.
Mistakes I'm making, keeps the knowledge I'm gaining
I fight myself to give it a rest.
The harder, and harder I try to stop
The faster, and faster I seem to go.
Searching for a theory never to be raised.
Searching for an answer never to be found.
At the end of the day, you close your eyes and pray.
I have found life isn't about the treasure,
It's about the hunt.
I'm ready to set sail.
I've changed my drift, and I've locked my hope away.
Never to be lost.
Never to be lost again.
The sun is coming up.

Baby hit me with an encore.

Summer taking it nice and slow, but I don't mind. I'm motivated. I'm excited for everything. The futures coming, and it's coming up fast. I'm ready. I have a good mentality right now. I don't plan on changing it anytime soon. Went to church today. Sweet.

Baby you know your body's calling, calling.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

I'm feeling everyone right now.

I want a hug.
I want a laugh.
I want a talk.
I want a walk.
I want a hug.

I was wondering if anyone would like to join me.

This is a party without the people.
This is a show without the songs.

I'm feeling mankind today. Hard.

Nice seeing people who I don't get to see often.
Inception was amazing. Nolan is amazing.
Favorite movie for now.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Drake's gonna "Shut It Down." He's "Unforgettable" and "Successful" for sure. "The Best I Ever Had." He "Lights Up" my iPod and stereo anyday of the week. I stay "Up All Night" listening to him. His music is like "Fireworks" in my skull. Everytime I listen, I sing along like its "Karaoke." If he stops singing, the music biz might as well be "Over." When I wasnt a great fan of hip hop. he "Showed Me A Good Time" and made me "Find My Love." I think I'll take some time to "Thank Him Now."-

Saturday, July 17, 2010


Just finished another chapter from a separate peace and notes. 2 down, 11 to go. I think I'm going to read the Bible, maybe take notes, and then decide if I want to do another chapter of peace. It's already almost 6, and I'm going to try to get up earlier than usual, but we'll see how that goes. Uh.. I set myself some goals for this summer. Sweet. They'll officially be in act this Sunday. I think I might go to Disney tomorrow.. I want to see the Alladin show :). I think I'm going to try to read at least every other day so I can get this assignment out of the way. Ugh. I mean, yay! Out of the way! I want to make cookie dough tomorrow as well. Hee. :)

Friday, July 16, 2010

Letter 10 - Someone you don't talk to as much anymore

Dear Hoa,
You are just as tight as you always were, we're just always busy sleeping to talk. It's ok though, I know once school starts everything will be back to normal! You're soooo funny! The thing I love about you is if we didn't talk for a month, I could come to you and it'd be the same. I respect you. You're a definite homie, haha. You're a cool kid.

-Michelle :)
Ps: PEW PEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Letter 9 - Someone you wish you could meet

Dear Clint Eastwood,
Thanks for never disappointing, and always stepping it up. You are one of my biggest role models. From your work ethic to your charm, I have admired you for a while now. I would be honored, and I would really love to meet you!

-Always yours, Michelle.

ps: Please adopt me!!
Letter 8 - Your favorite internet friend

Dear Chuy,
Hands down some of the best conversations in history with you. Can't wait to unfold the next one! You are literally the boy version of me. I'm glad I met you because you are one of the most amazing people --ever. I mean it! I can't wait for our many adventures together, and our check list to start getting ..checked. I like the way you think. You're my boy.

ps: You know what. :)
Day 7 - Your Ex-Boyfriend/Girlfriend/Lover/Crush

Dear Xcrush(es),
Whatsup how's it going?! Hope you're living well. Not much to say here except... ok moving on :)

Letter 6 - A stranger.

Dear Stranger,
I can't wait to meet you. When I do meet you though, do me a favor, remember to smile.

ps: Smell good.
Letter 5 - Your Dreams

Dear Dreams,
(I hope this means future goals)
No dream left behind. You will not defeat me. As I accomplish you one by one, maybe two by two, (because I'm pro like that), I'll be laughing at anyone who has ever doubted me. Not much to say except, I'll be getting the last laugh.. Even if I don't know what you are exactly, when I do find you, you're mine.

Letter 4- Your Sibling.

Dear Mary,

We both know we get into some good fights, and some worse fights, but we also both know we've had some good laughs, and some you laughing at me laughs. Either way, I love you, and we've been through a lot together. I'm excited to see how big our families are going to be, and in general how we end up. I know we'll be better then ok.

-Young Drizzy.
Letter 3- Your parents

Dear Mom&Dad ,
Thank you for everything you do, have done, or will do for me. Times have been rough, but either way I've learned a lot from you. I know you care for me, and I just can't wait till everything settles down. When I'm 40 and looking back at this I know everything will be as it should. Sorry for being a smart ass. Sorry for never listening. Sorry for forgetting who I'm talking to. Sorry for being to loud. Sorry for always waking up late. Sorry for always forgetting something. Sorry for always debating. Sorry for being lazy. I hope you both know I'll always love you, no matter what.

Letter 2 -
Dear Crush,
I'll rewrite this letter soon but for now I'm just keeping an open mind. We'll see where this goes. I do have a good feeling about this though. :)

To keep me here and to keep you guessing...

Letter 1, to your bestfriend.

+Dear Carolina,
You're amazing. You're the funniest person I know. You're the realest person I know. You're always there for me, and we always have each others backs. You understand what I'm saying when I'm not saying anything, or when I'm in my not making sense phase, or when I'm talking to cereal and you film it. When we end up napping together. How you always wake up 10 minutes before me. How we say we're "going to sleep" but ALWAYS end up talking for 3 hours. How you tell me about your fight stories and then we laugh with my dad about it. How we had that fail carolinaandmichelle show,(i'm down for episode 2). How we always find something to do, (even if its nothing). The stuff we come up with even amazes me.. I'm glad that I always have you to hug and pinch. I know we're going to be life long friends. I love you. (and moms worm carne) Other than that I'm just thankful I met you, and that I have you in my life.

-Love Meme.

ps: I love you.

I write like
Stephen King

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!


I write like
Chuck Palahniuk

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!