Wednesday, September 30, 2009


Anyone can comment my blogs now, if youre scared of what i might think you can write anonymously. how exciting! i just needed something a little more interesting ;

people need to stop bitching about life skills, seriously. ok dumbasses would you rather be doing some test, take advantage... damn. i got ready fast today =)


Tuesday, September 29, 2009

this girl has got me pumped

-2 hour conversation with carolina tonight, really satisfying i needed this spirit boost. and we both needed the reassurance
-rocky not replying cause he doesnt know what to say. hahaha so hilarious to me, sooo very hilarious.
-sam scaring the shit
-diana being a cutie
-jake being my favorite bro yet
-lunch with ariahna
-rescuing christie from ghettos
-hr fights with alex, so annoying
-making these kids laugh their ass on the way home
-tricking mary into thinking my phone convo was all a dream
-pwning in class
-getting yelled @ like no other mother
-taking a shower 23 minutes behind schedule
-losing my shoes and going back to the classics.
-forgetting to switch backpacks.
-didnt do any homework.
-a little nerves a boiling.

john's birthday party this friday
adtr hopefully with carolina, hook me up*** probably invite my new addition to the bro family
18-21 so excited.
'youre going to be a free bird by the time your 15' so excited 'hell ya'



you are still writing your book; i just hope you dont think the chapter im in was a waist.
And the breeze kicks in here. School was alright, nothing special a little on the depressing side. i did notice that im good at taking someone yelling at me, yelling 'constructive criticism'. whatever pretty cool how not sensitive i am now. besides stupid immature people and things that waist time, today was alright. Just closed the window. I realized that I really like blogging now, a happy little habit of mine now. being nothing im not. i dont put up fronts, regardless of what you think. im not writing for readers anymore.. haha my big 3 readers. Diana is going to start to blog more. im excited, and im going to comment everyone of her new blogs! a blogging club of two. intriguing; my new favorite bro at my school is soo down. love it.

back later.


^^^ thought i post it even though its just a tad late

Monday, September 28, 2009

i just dont know what to say anymore.

and this phase is getting old. im ready to be happy again,permanently.

Just doing what im told, basically. ill admit school was good today. ran the mile 8 minutes flat, so annoying. i love my science class so much!! I finished my algebra patterns w/s. fell asleep doing it, it was way easy. after lagging on my hw i just decided to do something. now i just have evaluate my leadership qualities. this is going to suck, im going to start when im done with this blog.. dreading it. ill probably bs it anyway. mmmmmm wasnt given to many direction so im going to right the definition and why it's weak/strong. should take me about an hour. oh well. then ill take a shower. then probably blog some more, then crash. i have things to look forward to wes. things out side of this black and white schedule keep me sane. thank God for friends, seriously. Carolina, im so grateful for you. thanks for everything. so far you have been the most real, funny, honest, dramafree (never been in a fight), Chiodos partner, sleeping in parks together, laughed @ jon under our breathe, running laps, taking about me picture (we need to catch up on those), our one episode show, falling down stairs, beating each other up, running around a dark house and pretending to be dead, running away from demons, walking away from the witch by that noodle joint and palm reader occult house, living together, riding on the handle bars and almost always getting hit, down to naples, running back from dropping presents off @ rockys, disneyland wouldnt be the same without you. then again nothing would be the same without you. moms is great- tell her i said thanks and God bless, watching the mighty boosh together while rocky naps, bribing rocky to take us to china walk, waiting for you to come back with stories after almost crashing john's car, gang signs, cussing out that lady that couldnt mind her buisness @ south coast before i broke my toe, convincing me to let you pierce my lip- didnt work, church fairs being expensive, watching scary movies with all the lights off we both hadnt seen before- while rocky sleeps, keeping each other out of trouble, watching out for each other, 'im getting sucked in', our irresistible charm, our 'cussing weekend' sooo good, flipping jon off when he pretended he couldnt see us, money inscents, laughing @ me say i dont like jts music, jon agreeing by saying 'only cool part in the song', Berkeley and 'good luck with that, leaving a 959 to be able to get out of the house, moms catching me call rocky a dirty gringo and encouraging me and teaching me new cuss words- 'good girl', swimming in off limits pools while others were gay, acting as if all our plans are going to come true, hiding why?, religious talks, coming up with the best of ideas, we work best together, that phase in the summer where we would read each other's minds, beating christine on the spinning tea cups, telling the guy he was just being nice when he said it was a tie, burning my ear, punching me the face, going back out because we werent tired, our boho phase, shows we said we would go to, biking back in the dark that one time after rocky scared us with that sounds of hell video, when i got the books i never gave back, wii, left4dead, walking down to the liquor store to get gummy bears, pictures in the mirror, talking to miss.lee, going into sees candies just to get a free sample, changing our minds, recreating walgs and his sayings, our love for Tnix, cussing to make rocky mad, walking to jons cause you had to poop,and the list goes on but im going to stop now because ive got things to do.. haha, but really you're great!!!!

off the gnar.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

a flair for the dramatic

now im sitting here, ready to do homework..
sams was great. sorted things out today. felt bad for awhile. saturday night was the best. 9 was great!!! i love love loved it. seriously see it, it's just a little short. maybe i liked it so much because they didnt have enough time to mess it up. hey whatever works i guess.. might enter a modeling contest with sam. wonder what im going to do, we'll see. people are all about let downs. if i could i would be one worth it, worth while. soon, soon... yet so far away. ill be here in five years if i catch up with my missed services. / i really like making people laugh i really like making people happy. some tell me to consider it as a career, but im defiantly keeping it pure. = enough of this chat though. back later. peace out limo shatters.

now ive just got to go get started.
80 sheets quad ruled.

Finally finished the algebra hw. I think im done. im done either way, haha. time mangagement. :] tomorrow i have to write ten qualities and work ethics, from
weak -> strong . ill actually have to think for this one. uhm, i need to figure how many hours i did on saturday morning. interesting how slow pace this weekend was. im soooooooo looking forward for friday night. im going to pray hard. this always works. always. i lost my lip ring. not good, not good @ all. these kiddos will just have to wait i guess. im not tired really. i just remember hoppin in the shower 30 minutes from now last night. thats what i love about weekends. thats what i love about summer. just to be on the safe side, im going to throw this pair of contacts out. never put your contacts to soak in a old vapor rub jar. even if you're desperate, even if you're delirious, and even if you waist your time washing it out. it still wont go away, and its going to be a bitch, trying to make your self cry especially when you have a hard time doing it with a reason. but anyway, yeah God answered my prayers for that too. hmm tomorrow i dont have to do the announcements which means i get to enjoy my from hr -> algebra talks. fun, fun. i think im having something like heartburn, but just like i suspected my sore throat went away in half a day and i didnt get sick. not jinxing, just saying.

oh j-h-n you copied my 'just saying' thing but its okay because of friday. haha i think im going to give you a picture of me in a frame for your birthday.

funny stuff, funny stuff....

im actually kind of excited for rugby, but more excited for friday. ive got a very good feeling about this upcoming weekend. going to knotts scary farm, for the first time, this year.. going to be off the gnar. whatabeautifulday got invited to go to monstermassive for halloween, probably not... hahhaahahahahahhahahaha ; yeah no. might actually go to that dress up show, if i have a cool costume,& if r!q shows.

reminder: swing by barnes and pick up my cd orders i put in.

-my mom just came in and said bed, now.
-mary just woke up and said mary can we turn off the light, i just stared for awhile. then finally slapped the lamp three times.
-mary just said dont type so loud ; yeah like i can help it....
-eat less.
-just checked some government news. yup, the end is near. very near. us is going down, the joke is up. the wrld is going into the internal flame.
-GOAL: be picked up when that lightn strikes. a goal that cant be failed,

Saturday, September 26, 2009

so far my words dont travel far they tangle in my hair and tend to go no where

ill be off to sams in about an hour depending on how fast i can get ready and how much i lag. watching fashion shows, spell lag all over them. dude, i need a passion. i might have one. i need inspiration.

but in all truths, i do have passion. when i think im lacking inspiration it spews from my finger tips. i am a character and im good at what i do.

just sometimes what i do is a little uncanny

this one because

it doesn't need an explanation.

this one, only because of

holla girllll

Friday, September 25, 2009

wild thing (dont steal my shit )

school was a bitch today. how was school. "bad." i have to get up early tomorrow too and most likely sunday as well. whatever though, im down like the economy. haha fckn bros. @ bella terra tonight pretending i was filming a documentary, analyzing personalities, for my anthropology course, regarding human relations. so funny. stupid babies that hangout at bella terra. saw that one stupid scene chick that has sucky ass 'music'. even if it is just a joke, you're fucking messed up taking pathetic people's money that don't know the meaning of good music. shame on you, bitches. "LETS GET FUCKED UP" hahah get a new line, you can't come up with anything else. when your old and youre able to give your granddaughter a pretty decent christmas present, we'll all know thats only because you were a grade-a scene bbygrl and you could cuss with that annoying high pitched voice of yours, because 12 year olds look up to you and ask you to make makeup tutorials. and are stupid enough to go to your lipsynced shows. so funny how you cause girls to drink and party and look up to this standard of how big your hair is, and how heavy you have your make up is caked on.. SOOOO FUCKING FUNNYYYY!!!! WHAT A GREAT JOKE YOU GUYS. ITS SOO FUNNY TO ME THAT YOUR WHOLE LIFE IS ONE BIG JOKE. good luck with everything, i hope you don't sell any more cds, influence anymore kids, or make any more money off this sham of what you call music. kthaxbai

now that that's done, tomorrow ill be doing some community service and ill hangout for a couple hours and then ill run to sams. im excited to be able to catch up with her. mmmmmmmm not going to sleep early for tomorrow, alls well that ends well. ='(

-you're probably not going to have as much fun as you think you will tomorrow.
-i dont even know how to wash cars. i just act like i do and go with it.
-it pissed me off everytime someone would say "YOU GOT LONERS." im just like "yeah, i think i know.. im wearing them. (: "
-we'll just get over everything, without looking back. even for a second.
-you hate me. i dont like you very much. thats fine.
-i go because i like the idea of a challenge. you go because you like the idea of me.
-you always come up to me. you say "youre fucking hot" and you think about if i know you like me. sorry charlie im a broken heart not ready to start.
-um you told me thought i was really pretty and you always wanted to tell me that, but did you really tell me or did you just tell me you wanted to tell me. interesting.. ;/
-im not sorry if i look ugly in the picture that you asked to take with me. ive never had someone say thank you for a picture. a little weird for me.. but i know you're sweet and a really cool person and have the best of intentions.
-why dont you just take my name and call it your own. you steal everything else from me.

the best way to ruin your life

i seriously cried. i loved Chiodos. fuck those bitches that decided to 'part ways' from craig. seriously, you just killed your career. you are never going to find anyone close to his talent, ever. they were my first favorite band. i would of watched them alone if i had too. im just lucky i saw them. so very lucky. their very last show. just my luck.

dude carolina i wrote RIP CRAIG on my backpack, and then i read your blog, and then i was like wtf, and then i remembered we were one...



are all these little bros doing @ my school. not that im anti-bro, its just none of them are in my grade..

Thursday, September 24, 2009

all done; finished.

i don't have my contacts in right now, so i can't really see what im typing, but i felt like blogging so here i am. open house was open house. im all finished with choosing payments and i just have to give my friend jennifer her paperwork.. don't you hate when you know someone and then something happens where you dont like them, and then when you meet a person with their first name you automatically hold something against them and they have no idea whats going on. yeah i try not to do that, but i do.. i had soo much homework tonight. im still doing my water thing, except not as strict as when i first started. still havent has soda since i started though, so thats good. im really happy tomorrow is friday because fridays always keep me from going crazy. im getting better @ the announcements and im easing into my leadership class. i still say what feilds said at open house (back to school night) was wayyy out of line and rude. but hey who am i to tell my teacher when they're wrong. im excited to go on the asb conference field trip. super excited. i just hope its like the PAL one and we get to go off on our own. i have a feeling its not going to go down like that.. oh well im still grateful to be given these experiences. i took a shower, and i just kept saying 'in jesus name i demand you to go away' over and over because i started to get that eerie feeling everytime a demon is about to mess with me. this always happens when i tell people about religion. im getting smarter about it though. my friend christine cast out a demon today, this one attacked her while she was sleeping. mine are more physiological in most cases. they make it seem like there's still a possibility it didnt happen to give you that chance of 'God's not real' 'hells not real' crap. well this technique wont work on me =) my faith is stronger then these little devils think. hut anyway, ill continue this tomrrow. ignore mistakes

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

cast away, stow away, once again. fly away; now that its done.

Sam's birthday yesterday, Diana's birthday tomorrow. I need to get them both something. I know my plans failed for what I had in mind, but its all good. i hope you dont mind. i've decided i am going to ny/dc. hope the kids that go arent annoying. even though i know some people going i dont agree with are going. soo excited for that, not joking. its amusing.. mmmmmm i have a lot of homework tonight. i have open house tomorrow, kind of obligated to go. then i have the dc/ny meeting, want to go. then i have the car wash, have to go. and then im free, probably spend the night @ sams.

waiting to hear the hoofs of the rescue party

Monday, September 21, 2009

Happy Birthday Sams!

I'm so excited for you!


it is impossible for me to cry. just when i thought for sure this is it. all i could pull off was almost half a tear just edging from my right eye. then i just went blank. then to back to sad. then to nothing. then to life goes on. then to get up.

made you something fine
it's in the palm of my new hand
it's out
you're mostly what i think about and
i'm proud

After trouble @ home i finally made it over to the movies. cold and torture. sam is great and i hope she had nice birthday. i hope shes aware there is more to come. for now, im just trying to get my head on straight. trying to sort things out. prioritize with my mind for once. i dont think this is possible for me. juice it up girl is way cool.

when i was talking to you about God, and you said "ask and you shall be given." you surprised me, a side i never knew you had. i wondered if you read my blog. i wondered if you cared. i wondered how you knew. i wondered a lot of things. but one thing i knew, it was good. you're a great friend. i hope to keep you in my life when i move.

as i tried and tried to cry, i finally got one tear. but this sorrow, was different from that of an hour earlier. that sorrow was fake. that sorrow was me trying to manipulate my feelings into letting go. a failed attempt at that.

highlight of my day: thinking to myself on the way home in silence and saying to myself, "with God's help, i will get through this." whether it hits me the day i realize it or i grow into it. its going to happen. maybe im overacting but this is all i know. and for now this is my life. take it and see what happens. i ended again with God's help, i will get through this, but this time with the stage beyond sincerity.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Is cussing a sin?

i've been wondering about this for awhile... so i ran across some of these things id like to share with you because im sure a few of you have wondered about this too.. (read comments as well)

and last but not least, i found this one on my own..
" Any consideration of the goodness of God at once threatens us with this dilemma. On the one hand, if God is wiser the we His judgment must differ from ours on many things, and not least on good and evil. What seems to us good may therefore not be good in His eyes, and what seems to us evil may not be evil. " -the problem of pain

Based on this, (limited research, mind you) I think cussing should be avoided (i need to work on this ). but if you do cuss, i think it comes down to the meaning, or context behind what you say. for example what makes "oh crap" better then "oh shit" in some situations? sometimes nothing.. another example what makes "im going to fucking kill you" the greater evil of "im going to freaking kill you."? sometimes nothing.. when it comes down to it God knows all, and He knows your intentions. so if you do cuss, think twice about the final outcome of what you said conveys. and if it was harmful. maybe even if it was harmless. maybe even if someone gained something from it.

"On the other hand, if God's moral judgement differs from ours so that our 'black' may be His 'white'" -the problem of pain


i'm doing pretty good with the water only thing. i still have 40 minutes of reading left. pretty annoying. normally annoying, but i think i just hatched a solution. i wonder if i can log bible time. i dont see why not. benefits from every corner of the situation.

in God's glory

wish me luck.

im going to have to step it up big time, expect bigger and better things

straight up

any one see a trend?

walking in the bathroom, a different feeling. confidence plummets with everyone's eyes and condescending smiles. dont know what to do. run in the stall. shut the door and take a deep breathe. regain composure and open the door and repeat. the only difference is everyone is gone. everything is gone. just you and the mirror. now here's the test..

i wonder what ill say. i guess i wont worry about it for now.

WATER ONLY NEWS: if you haven't heard im drinking only water for a while. i want to see how long i can go, and if it makes a difference.

in the shower. window open. light off. come out. brush teeth, get dressed, and put contacts in. look to the left, and the window is closed. completely closed. true story.. wonder what that was.[part sarcasm] creepy thing was the door was locked.

sins like skeletons, so very hard to hide. you're sick, sick as ever.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

comfort betrays.

friday and saturday were great. all i drank seriously, was water. im going to see how far i can take this. thatd be so cool if i could go a year with nothing but water. ugh, thatd be so sick. ive learned my lesson. always bring extra shit around with you. water, contact case, clothes, sun block, socks, toothbrush, and just anything you might need. ill never come empty handed again. friends can be jerks because they know you wont hate them. still shitty though. one of the best things was walking into juice it up and hearing brand new. juice it up > jamba juice, forever. i feel really bad, i was so zoned out. i hate thinking of a better reaction. a better thing to say. after the fact. i feel like an asshole. shit. i need to fix this. fme. its not that big of a deal, and its not like they dont do it to me all the time, its just i have higher standards for myself. i wont let me be bad person. though i did feel bad. i think its impossible for me to cry, even when i really need to, no tears fall. i dont think this is good, my eyes havent been cleansed in awhile. a long, long while. so many things going on in my head right now. to many things to do. not enough weekend. not enough summer, ever. but thats just life. why does this have to be so inconvenient. so annoying, torture i promise you. more painful then pain itself sometimes. i just dont know what to do anymore. what to think. what to feel. there is one thing i wont let myself think, that i cant handle this. with Gods help i will get though this. reminds me, in big empty bathrooms. not good. i almost freaked out, one of the worst feelings ever. i felt ashamed of being scared, so i made myself stay for an extra 30 seconds with my back turned, just because i let fear get the best of me. i need to get this down to pat. dont get me wrong, comfort does betray. dang it, i hate waiting. i hate anticipating. ive been doing the hang loose sign alot lately, and people keep calling me bro. im not a bro. and omgosh i almost forgot about my new nickname, fuck you sorority row. i need to get my homework done. ive got to read 2hours, shit. then another 2, double the shit. this is bull

p.s. sorority row and halloween 2 sucked shit. today felt like sunday, not a good feeling for some reason

you dont know how good it felt to hear that come from your mouth, running up the stairs i had to swallow my laugh and smother my cheers. highlight, most defiantly. im just not used to things right now, im not used to much of anything right now. life, bro. fucking life bro. shits not easy.


Friday, September 18, 2009

the lies of friends you didnt have

I love Fridays with all my heart. If I could make out with a weekday, it'd be friday. So chill. I'm happy with my life. Still need another break through, but I'm definitely making some progress. Excited to be excited for a change. I want to invite people, but no one would get our jokes. Im currently in love with this band. can't get over it. definitely going to grab me two copies of their cd, for someones birthday deemed reasonable. im going to label it 'keep your mouth shut, this is an honor' then like a little condescending happy face. anyway tonight better be fun, yep it is going to be. i need this like no other!

n a crowded room project a debonair aloof impermanence
be shrouded loosely in an air of indeterminates.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

'i think growing up is not realizing youll never reach those standards, i think its accepting it'

you said you went to bed around eleven, you really went to bed around two. when you said you could rap, i schooled you. rescue me from this chaos. of sins i cant handle, but cant get away from either. from things im not supposed to see, but do. from shit people my age arent even supposed to know about, but can write a book about. from dead bodies to a fucked up family. temptations i always seem to resist, and you cant. you make me sad, but this is where we're different. this is where you would say im done. this is where i say ive just begun.

stay sweet.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

I feel like a quote out of context

with-holding the rest
(ignore the last part, hah)
Might be home alone. Mary's taking her written test. I'm going to say a prayer.. she doesnt really care if she fails the first time. haha, might go see a movie later. im excited. interesting. i have homework up the butt again. i lead the pledge of allegiance, no mess ups. except mr.j lied to me! i found out a friend of mine has a pool. exciting. i did really well during debate yesterday. won it hands down. (literally and figuratively) if only i wanted to be a lawyer.. listened to say it aint so in english today. people were like wtf you know this song. kidding me..

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Called it

I knew Rocky was going to like Regina Spektor. haha, had a lot of homework again. got lazy again. i have to lead the pledge of allegiance tomorrow, i hope people shut up. today we had our first asb meeting, i didnt even know what to do.. haaaaaah. 500 days of summer soundtrack today. i took a nap again. talked on the phone again. i want the weekend again. i have to get 15 hours done. shit. this isnt exciting anymore. nothings exciting. im tired of content. im tired of barely tolerable. people are so annoying. i love summer because im free. no routine. no one to tell me to tie my shoelaces. just me and im all free. looking forward to next summer. looking forward to moving. looking forward to being in shape again. looking forward to christmas. i can't forget halloween. looking forward to everything that doesnt tell me im pathetic. maybe im to nice.. nope not going to change.

i guess i feel this is pointless. i guess im saying i know this is pointless. and it annoys me i can't do anything about it.

really annoying actually.

I was going for

a new kind of strange. an ugly strange. possible truth. i think ill call it, you always get whats coming.

Monday, September 14, 2009

ill be here to mend your broken heart. / TEAM KANYE BITCHES

you might call this bad, but i dont care who won what for anything anymore.

i don't even know how to eat, drink maybe, this milkshake. and then seeing the spit drip down the straw made me gag.

This weekend was chill. Saturday, carolina was great. Sunday, rocky spent all the time i was there fighting with his girlfriend. most annoying thing ever. I saw the orphan on sunday, it was pretty good. the ending was fucking amazing. i seriously couldnt sit still, and being the loudest one in the theater. as usu, i didnt think their were that many people in there.

bitches dont know how to treat nice people. yeah, your usually the helpful one. now that you got an extra hand, you've got double standards. treating those that care like a fucking douche bag. im pretty sure we heard you admit it.

push me out of the darkness to a sky colored blue

You're just so full of let downs lately. I don't know what else to say. It's just one thing after another. You're pulling my understanding see-through thin. I finally finished my homework. I had like 3 pages of algebra. So annoying, towards the end you can see where I got lazy. today some girl, was like what are you doing here? i thought you were a freshman! hah... yep. A good gone wrong, then just content. Not the happy content, just the finished your homework. someone answered their phone. content. not as filling as a human being would hope. ive been drifting, and im trying to pull my mind back. its a battle that seems so hard to win. just keeps getting harder and harder, when you thought it was getting easier. something always happens. someone always disappoints. nothing can have the essence of perfect. nothing. nothing, ever. im becoming used to this, just don't want to. each day my innocence of not knowing, is striped from right under me. i used to think this was a good thing. now, im not so sure..

everything is closing in. trying so hard to deceive me. every night i try to spit reasons why its not working. sometimes it's easy, sometimes i cant roll one off.

you make it so hard not to give up. good thing

im not a quitter.

Supper ends

I have to make this really short and really fast. Just one thing guys, promise me to never agree with someone just because it's that person and you want to impress them. promise me you'll never 'settle' for anything or anyone because you think they're worth it. Past character and loyalty only gets you so far. Think before you speak. If you're not 100 percent sure of your self, you're probably wrong. The past may be the past. But that past is only the past. Don't waist to much time reminiscing, thats precious time you're taking for granted. Goodnight lovers. Dont let anyone take what makes you, you away from you.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

isn't it kind of weird how i didnt want to go to this football game. i don't know why either, i usually love going to football games..

RIP Kevin Telles

Friday, September 11, 2009

The walrus has really big teeth

The government planned 9/11. If you want me to prove it to you, I can. but on the other hand, today was fun. I barely said two words to rocky, =/. I was like bestfriends with John today. I basically hung out with him and mary the entire time, no i did hangout with them all day. He is honestly a good person. My only complaint was he wouldnt give my mix a fair chance! boo,whore. It was kind of awkward because us three were separated from everyone else, it's okay though. We didnt really want to be over there anyway and we had fun of our on. Soooooo proud of Rocky. Chills in Starbucks forever. It was seriously us sitting in there for hours making fun of people's job interviews, figuring out the next 9/11 tweet, and watching john call this noisy baby a fucking faggot and the mom catching him. haaaaaaaaaaaaah. mmm, other than that before the ceremony started was fun(ny) watching john & mary freak over bees. "I told you it would be hot." yeah, pictures up later. sam and mary are away @ football game, i didnt feel like going. i wonder whats going on tomorrow. hm, i wonder if ill be invited.

" choked it back, took the pain in my throat, looked up to the ceiling, stopped breathing. just to spare me the embarrassment, and you the pain. im sorry. but i cant help this, i cant help but judge. i cant help but automatically think the worst. gross. you're no fun, when all you do is feel sorry for me. i can see it on your face, but you never say sorry, and you never do anything about it, and you never give me anything to hold on to. you just want to keep the upper-hand, make me hate you maybe, maybe to keep your stubbornness. you try to be mean, but i see right through you. you won't be able to do this forever. "

i wont be able to fall asleep for awhile. i watched alba's movie 'the eye' tonight. it was pretty good, just typical.. not the storyline, just the turn out. she has my respect. someone told me that i'm going to be unbelievably gorgeous when im 18, model status. i couldnt help but think i guess ill just have to wait and see.... i forgot to ask why? i always forget the most important questions.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I'll lay you to rest where you're never alone. Go ahead, run away. Take a chance.

Today was my first day of school. I have some pretty stupid teachers. And two really cool teachers. My homeroom is really quiet, good thing I wont spend much time there. My leadership teacher hates me. She's going to hate me more once I break the news I'm not going to be there Friday. My science class is also really quiet, I don't think this is going to remain my favorite subject. I was pretty good @ keeping a positive outlook on things. I just have papers to fill out and an autobiography to put together, and a graph notebook to get. Some people make me so frustrated @ how stupid they are. Just because they know I'm not one to get mad and yell, they mistreat me. Ugh, that wont happen again after today. Did they seriously think I'm that stupid? Hah... I have like 1100 something-songs on my ipod now. I've got a lot of good music. Yes! My nap was refreshing, I'm ready to get this homework over with. I'm thinking of just doing my autobiography just so it's done, plus writings pretty easy for me. I really hope someone doesn't kill me after I break the news. I was thinking, and I really want more blog comments, so look for a bold topic or question that I think you should comment with your answer or beliefs on the blog. I'm thinking of letting anonymous answers but we'll see. Oh, Today Linda came after school. I feel really bad that I didn't stay, especially since she got me something.

What do you think... Is Jesus real? Y/N/Unsure & Why

Run away, far away from our distress. What would we call life from there. How would you judge someone if the world was perfect?

Put you to sleep summer, not my choice.

Summer is over. =/
I prayed school school would be good today. Blog later. I hope there's cool people in my classes.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

It still feels like the day just started

I just added some really good music to my itunes. I'm excited

I've learned not to care.

Move with me, such a paradox

I went to church this morning. I honestly like Christian church just a little bit better, just because in Catholic church, I don't know all those long replies and stuff. I just don't want to disappoint anyone. This mass was still pretty cool. I loved walking in when they were talking about revelations, all i heard was "the beginning of the end." I thought everyone called church mass. I remember asking my friend, "what time is mass over?" (force of habit). and he was like, "what...." I was so surprised and just thought to myself are you kidding me??, "mass! hello...blah blah." "do you mean church????" Haha. I took a little nap, watched jon tucker must die, ate one package of easy mac, changed my shoe laces, got my backpack together, and drank some water.

-I kind of chose an ugly backpack on purpose. I have good intentions.

the chronicles of letters you'll never read

Monday, September 7, 2009

Tonight is your last chance to do exactly what you want to.

Just sitting here, drinking my water. Today was a disappointment. But it's not that big of a deal. I should be getting used to this. Yikes, and there it went. Summers gone. It was great, I just know I can top it. Correction, I will top it.

(define)Situations- Never what you want them to be

I wish some told me that a while ago, I know I would've to. Questions are never answered when you need them to be answered. That's life, I guess.

This night is going down the drain, I better hurry up. Mary's going to sleep. Shit. I hate when she turns off the light. I can't find time to do my itunes. Gross, I'll leave when she flicks the switch. Hm, I wanted to read too! I hate sharing a room. not sometimes, i hate sharing a room @ all times. It turns out I'm going to church tomorrow morning. @8am. I found another good band. Not popular, im keeping this one on the DL. damnnnn, sorry bloggers. they dont have any good secret players. Dammit this band is going to get big anyway. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

bahaha . i think im falling in love with water.

that's life.

Sunday, September 6, 2009


MySpace Music Playlist at

i hate the feeling of opening a cd case all excited to find nothing inside. ugh.

im just a sucker for day dreams

Today, I guess I woke up early. I missed church today. =/ I think I want to go tomorrow morning, yep. I'm going. I took a nap today, and I had the scariest dream ever! My friend sam was possessed with a demon, and i was the only one trying to cast it out. It felt so real, and 'sam' when she was possessed and convulsing and screaming she was staring straight @ me, so freaky.. but for some reason i wasn't scared in the dream. like when i woke up, i realized i was just staring right back. maybe even mocking the demon, like go ahead and scream at me bitch im not letting you fly out of this window taken by an invisible force, an invisible evil force i might add. the dream didnt really end well, the demon didnt flee for some reason or it came back im not sure, so like i uninvited possessed sam to disneyland the next day. weird. the weird part is, we were planning on going to disney tomorrow. yep labor day @ disney. holla. mmmmmm, i thought it would be crowded but someone told me it wasnt. and the wait for the rides are like 15. doesnt matter for us anyway. oh just a little announcement, i'm getting a lip piercing next summer. its gonna be gnar. The sleepover @ Carolina's was pretty fun. I wasn't tired, so me and Carolina tortured our fingers for a couple hours, while m/s were snoozin. whata trooper. I need a backpack!

adtr is fckn good, js. i need their cd, asap. Up bright & early tomorrow just for some bonding time with my bro. Dang 8am, good practice for school. Stomach sick again today, when will this end?

i'm a good friend, i promise.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

its about that time


I think the most productive thing I did today was take a shower. To Carolina's after waiting on my parents. Got here, beat up Caralina and then left for ice cream. Not home for long when we got bored and roudyy.. Outcome, Carolina pierced sam's nose. looks surprisingly really good, props to coraline. Video up later. (= mmmm craig's dad is a bitch, js. tomorrow............

im not sure.


because the other version was to graphic.

soo disney was the fucking bomb. even if bitches were bitches and almost made us rent a wheel chair. whatever it was really fun regardless. =) mmm, single ridered screamin` waited like 3o seconds for that bitch. so worth it, so very worth it. id go on alone anyday, kidding me` . i sat in the front for splash mounties. the picture was gnar. loved it, almost bought it. up later s8rs. hm, i should take my contacts and go to sleep but .. i dont want to. i want to give you a song to but mary would shoot me in the face id i even think about it. ummm i think im a little delirious. oh, and thunder was intense. i made some tourists' day in tower of terror. my bread bowl was gnar gnars. mhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, tomorrow-day free. let's fill it up. sam just told me about her dream where she repeatedly was trying to kill green with a bat. felt bad to wake her up. um, i think im tired now. night night, fight or flight. this bitch is going down, her weakness?


Friday, September 4, 2009

Late Replies

as a result of no internet,

Well, im back.. Sam might be coming over later. I'm excited. I love Fridays. Last weekend of the summer. I can't believe it. I think we'll go out tonight. I want to @ least. Disney sounds like a good option. mmm, i had so much i wanted to dream about. i dont remember falling asleep. i just remember being asleep. hmph

Thursday, September 3, 2009

here i am for the first time

going to see inglorious bastards. mwahah, my family will love me for this one


My alarm didn't go off this morning. Hence, I didn't get up. Instead of waking up @ 8am I woke up @2pm. Shit. That's like 70 hours of sleep. I went from being productive to being -- and my dog just came running in and plopped down right under my feet. something bad happened.. "is something wrong??" no reply. oh well, ill hear about it later im sure. School starts soon. fck me. I just want to get it over with.

i said pwned before it was cool to say pwned, js.
Carolina couldn't sleep over tonight because of the same old reasons. poor thing =/
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, called a few people they didn't answer. called sam just right now, she answered~ yay. my plans will be put on hold for now. maybe ill see inglorious bastards tonight. blog more later!

Plans, man.

I was originally planning on blogging alot tonight. I forgot that I had to wake up early tomorrow. Shit. I'll make up for it though. I just wanted to say, I didn't know I could miss things so much. I just know I wouldn't go back if I had the chance. God works in mysterious ways. and I have to learn to accept that. Plus I can't wait to get my. life started. Shit, I'm excited. I guess I'm trying to say, putting my life in Jesus's hands isn't so easy. No one said it would be easy. I do restore myself when I'm alone. It's painful, the truth. I feel like crying but I won't, yeah.. Im just glad my eyes are back where they should be. I'm just glad my focus is back. Im just so thankful for this breakthrough God has given me again. Sinners, repent... please. People are changing all around me. I guess this happens after every new experience. Im just pretty sad about how things are right now with certain people. i'll be fine though. i have a really strong feeling that God planned all of this, all of this hurt for a reason. a lesson. or lesson(s) for all of us. we'll see. i hate waiting sometimes. i hate having to wait and see if you'll learn yours. waiting to see how things pan out. waiting to see if we lose you. looking from other peoples' perspectives. you're somewhat right. then again some what wrong. God help me.

"He is faithful."

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

turn off the lights and close the door

Registration was whatever. Nothing special. My pictures disgusting, but i don't care. ;)

Getting home and almost killing my leg was actually refreshing. I'm really excited for tonight! I can't wait. I hope everyone looks cute, and i'm going to take a nap. That nap was good. Right now, I should be getting ready. But of course I'm going to wait until Mares is back from Rite Aide. I think I'll call good old kelsey asking if we have any classes together. I got a pretty good schedule, I guess. I'm happy. Then again I dont really care. I'm going to say a prayer coming up here pretty soon. Just as a back up.

resisting rite aide ice cream isnt easy.

wish me luck, p.s. i love good friends.