Monday, August 31, 2009

Cause they don't matter and I don't care.

It'd be me to wear my Chiodos shirt for my school picture.
No one's going to stop me.

And that shit was crazy

I fucking forgot about registration! Shitttttttttttt. Diana you're a blessing. Thanks for posting that blog. Omgosh, I thought that blog was posted yesterday, and I thought I missed it. I seriously ran around all upstairs, screaming on the inside, looking for my papers. Then I ran full speed to the calendar. I saw it was tomorrow. Then I ran to the middle of the room, found some open space, and got down on my knees and thanked God. I dont know if it was my balance or if something pushed me off my knees, but this time I wasnt scared and just got back up. All I know is tomorrow is going to be a busy day. And I got some shit to do.

( V use song from post below V )

Snap up to clap up. only one person will get this

Once I rose above the noise and confusion
Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion

cause they dont matter and i dont care.

I couldnt help but be cold. i dont need a heater. moon up and that was the highlight of my weekend. closed eyes and sun up, say goodbye to my highlight. talking with you even for a split second like we used to. its all worth it. Running away from predators and gang members, is always easier with you. I felt a pain but I didnt think it was blood worthy. Taking my shoe off, i saw damage that couldnt be undone. Shoe is now bloodstained. Everything I say is literal. That's what I get for walking 2 miles in flats with a little bit of running for my life on the side. At least the Hawaiian food was good and i needed that exercise. I have so many bruises on my legs and I don't think it's possible for me to get any more bug bites. I'm taping my legs tonight. I'm using the expensive cover up. im done with those little shits. my throat hurts. i never get sick though, its just all these fans on. im not about to turn them off. im really excited for tomorrow. i have to wear vans though. im going to smack a bitch down. js.

you've never seen me mad, you've never even heard me yell. figures to play with.









my throat ache went away, i told you i never get sick.

-
I just need to add, i fucking love Sam. because despite everything when it comes down to it, she's there for you. and this girl. she's a good person. i promise.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

This is all I am. Will you ever be?


Today, was a nice day. A whole day. I got up at 8am, that's pretty good for me. Walked to school, without complaining. Just a simple, Iloveyou. And out the door I went. Even if it was just a whisper. I knew my schedule already but I got in line to see it again. Diana wanted to see her's again because it had the possibility of changing. Mine doesn't. @ least I got some free lunch out of it. I walked home, and it was hot. I got home, kicked off my shoes, greeted my grandma, and passed out on the coach. I think I overheated and had a nap terror because when my Mom nudged me awake I was in a layer of sweat and had scratch marks on my arm. I dont remember when I drank soda, and how I got upstairs, but I did. I collapsed on the floor with a sheet thrown on the floor, and that was that. I was forced to move, what felt like, a second later. I was half sober from that point. I climbed to my bed and laid there. I thought and I thought, I started crying, and prayed, and then I thought some more. I played down a whole scenario in my head. I knew exactly what to say when asked, and this was no dream. I wasn't sure what to do with myself. I mean I knew what I had to do in life and I knew my jobs I had to upkeep. So therefore i say again I didn't know what to do with myself. I started getting ready for Sam's after haggling for a ride. I grabbed my wallet. In it was more money than I expected. And it was mine. I smiled. My grandma, is the best. Out the door, with my second iloveyou, she heard this time. On the way there, I picked some of the best music. That never lets me down, even with traffic. Sam is a really good person. Off to the movies we went. Such a hassle trying to get into Halloween. We ended up choosing not to go in Halloween because of these creepers we didnt want to sit next to. I surprised myself with how smooth I am when under pressure. We saw the end half of the best movie I've seen in a long time. Better than the time travelers wife we saw after. I was defiantly impressed. I recommend inglorious bastards all the way. just to let everyone keep this in mind, expect me to treat you how you treat me. Loyalty, reputation, and history only goes so far when you're a douche bag. thanx love michelle.

-this just makes remember how grateful i am for the friends that are always there when i need them.
-i hope she's right. i hope you do snap out of it.
-i hope you don't turn out to be one big disappointment.











if theres one thing i hate most, it's when im right about these kinds of things.










if theres one thing i love most, it's when people prove me wrong.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Another tragic case of failing



Okay, well it's really hot today. I forgot what summer felt like, until today. By the time Sam gets here we'll see if its cooled off enough to go to DisneyLand. I dont even know what time shes coming. Check back later I'll update. As for now, I have to clean my room. Yummy, im going to sweat ball sacks left and right. I love Viva la Bam. Still waiting for a good day.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Friends with beneies.


Okay so I didn't go to Disney today. I'm pathetic, hahaha.. All I have to say is tonight is going to be one hot summer night. I read a little bit of that book today. So far so good, it's just takes me awhile to read it. to understand it, i mean. I'll get through it. Tomorrow I'm going to do something. this is my goal. Even if it's no Disney, it'll be something. I have to get up early Friday. Whatever. At rite aide today, I almost scored free water. Almost is no free water. I got those rite aide shoes that I think are ugly, but they're easy, and I can bike in them. Double wams.

" In all developed religion we find three strands or elements, and in Christianity one more. The first of these is what Profressor Otto calls the experience of the Numinous. Those who have not met this term may be introduced to it by the following device. Suppose you were told there was a tiger in the next room: you would know you were in danger and would probably feel fear. But if you were told 'There is a ghost in the next room', and believed it, you would feel, indeed, what is often fear, but a different kind. It would not be based on the knowledge of danger, for no one is primarily afraid of what a ghost may do to him, but of the mere fact that it is a ghost. It is 'uncanny' rather than dangerous, and the special kind of fear it excites may be called Dread. With the Uncanny one has reached the fringes of Numinous. Now suppose that you were told simply, 'There is a mighty spirit in the room', and believed it. Your feelings would be even less like the mere fear of danger: but the disturbance would be profound. You would feel wonder and a certain shrinking---a sense of of inadequacy to cope with such a visitant and of prostration before it---an emotion which might be expressed in Shakespeare's words 'Under it my genius is rebuked'. This feeling may be described as awe, and the object which excites it as(is) the Numinous. "

Here is the deal, don't hold it against me.



I am. going to DisneyLand today, Sam is coming over in a couple hours. My house is one big hot mess. I hope it doesnt bug her much. It won't.. Mary woke me up at 10 with a call asking me if I wanted to go to lunch with her friends and sarah. That's funny because she used too always get mad at me for hanging out with her friends to much and that I should find my own friends. It's funny how things work out. I said no. I'm not sure what I'm going to wear today. The skin is still growing back on the side of my leg. I have stuff to do Friday-day. Then I'll head off to Sam's. I had interesting dreams this morning. I was going with Mary to college but some how I was the same aga as I am today so it was kinda weird. I saw Jon meditating with his eyes open in this random patch of grass before we got there. Then as were going to the entrance I see this girl I've only met like once or twice Slater and I guess I told her this deep dark secret. And I was driving around because the school was like a game board. I have no idea... but yeah, and that was only one of them. I think I'm going to start getting ready. Cheerios

I wanted to share this with you guys


here's an example of good music that isn't appreciated, this isn't even their best song either. well that's life. okay, i must be going to bed soon. Goodmorning night sallys.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The slate will soon be clean,



I got a new book. It's going to be a challenge but I can handle it. I'm excited. It should be good. I haven't been watching the mighty boosh lately. I need to get back on that. It's to hot right now. I'm really hot. I need water. Have a nice night everyone.

And I'll keep dreaming, not another word sweetheart.



Today was easy. I woke up in the afternoon and left. I don't understand why I was still tired. Then I remember warped tour. My headache went away, like they always do. I seriously am a healthy girl. Three cheers for my white blood cells. They're boss. I went shopping today. All my school shopping is pretty much finished. I just need a backpack and pair a shoes. I need to get my shit together. Schools going to be here sooner than I want to think. I keep saying I'm going to go to DisneyLand but I never do. I'm going to call Carolina, she'll make things happen. Mary has registration. I might go after that. Hm.. Maybe I'll call Jaynee she might be interested. I need to give away my clothes that don't fit me, seriously.. I'm doing pretty good with bargain shopping I just need more space. Mary always orders the nastiest drinks. I saw someone running today. I knew him. It made me want to workout. Then I thought about it. I probably won't. Oh well, Ill get back into shape one day. Im currently looking for something interesting to happen, I have a feeling something goods going to happen soon. "I dont care"

Heavens the best thing for me. And I do whats best for me.


I'm really sore. I'm really tired. I could sleep if I wanted too. I really am trying. Trying not to be phased by what hurts the worst. It times like this where I want this the most. Its times like this I want something I can't have. Its times like this its so hard to have hope. Its time like these I turn to God. Its times like these where anyone would normally cry, but I don't. Its times like this I want to find my dreams and find my goals besides the one I can't get my mind off. Its times like these I know you don't care. Its times like these I know I'm going to be a good person. Its times like these I turn my life over to God. Its times like these I know I have a purpose. Its times like these I have to remind myself not to be sad. Its just hard to live with all of this in me. All of this to hear. All of this here. All of this no one will hear. I'm sorry I said sorry. Something made me remember, "If you believe God will answer your prayers. He will answer your prayers. Just not in your timing. Not on your schedule. Whether you accept that or not." Something made me remember that, when I was losing hope. And when I say something I know who.







































Its times like this I just have to keep my eyes on the prize.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Don't push me, I've got nothing to hide.


Warped Tour was everything I wanted it to be and more.
I saw:Underoath,Saosin,Senses Fail,Early Strike,Tat,A Day to Remember,Chiodos,and crowdsurfed to 3oh3.
Chiodos was defiantly the best just because I was up close and personal with the band. so intense, i couldnt even walk right after their set..
I want to do it again, except this time I'm putting more sunblock on the back of my calves. I'm also not going to have
that happen the day before. I was by myself half the day, but I don't mind really. Oh yeah being vip isnt all that great and isnt worth stressing over.. its just cool to experience. The crowd is way better though, if you're not a baby. I also note you can never bring enough water, even if you do have a free water wrist band. Let me just say again Chiodos was the fucking best and if you didnt see my bulleton I was there and right in front =) Oh on a happy side note, ADTR is really good live as well. Jeremy is no Craigery Owens though. Well happy headaches later. I don't take medicine.

____

School is coming up soon. I don't care, I just want to get it over with so I can have more summer. It's not that big of a deal for me. Im down for the learning experiences outside of my pencil, thanks.
Oh you guys listen to my friend Carolina tell this girl to shut up after screaming.
I love her, hahahha. "Bitch, I could pound you in a second." I'm so glad I wasnt there I would have laughed in that little girls face.
-I need to go school shopping.
-I need to get some more clothes before school.
-I need to go to Disney Land this weekend.
-I have to do some service hours this Friday.
-Listen to this with the volume on high:
What does it remind you of?
-Pinch your belly button. it doesn't hurt.
-Should I get my lip pierced in the future?
-Accepting unwanted clothes.
-Before saying the first sentence of your day, think of it, and then think of a synonym for every word in the sentence. This will work your brain to the core.
-Clench your fists.
-Say knickknacks and pattywacks with slimshacks and shadysmacks. Three times fast.





















I'll be seeing you,

Friday, August 21, 2009

i got a bad feeling about this.



ahah

Not. a horoscope

"Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous.
Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and
sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does
work well with others. Very confident. An awesome kisser. Sensitive. A very good girlfriend/ boyfriend. Amazing Smile.
Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Bad
memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look
for information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or
make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and
others. Understanding. Fun to be around.
Outgoing. Hyper. Suductive.Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and
traveling. Super sexy. Extremley hot but has brains."

....aha.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

otta have a ook in dar

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

isnt this who you said you were?

a cut tomorrow, will put a smile on my face. a shower for now, motivation phase.. thanks

My toes are freezing


Quiet is nice. I dont remember waking up this morning, I just remember getting up this morning.. Off to school again, interesting this time felt long but was short. Some how it still wasnt boring. Molly is pretty charismatic, and Diana well she's just a love. I found out some exclusive news today. I can't tell anyone for now. I'm fine with that. I started tearing up as I was reading last night. I don't know why forsure. I think I was scared because I know the end is coming sooner than we think and I hate to face the music but I know it's going to be in my life time. Gross, thinking about how easily people are deceived. Makes me sad. I just want to help. Garwick with a beard. Not something I would choose but he can pull it off. That's exclusive stuff right there, it'll be gone any day now. Um, I wanted a little lunch in a box. Didn't work out. Reminds me about those pretzels in my bag. Oh crap... Reminds me about that babe ruth in my bag, gnar. I think today is going to be a good day, I just dont want to get my stuff together. I think I'll nap with this much time to kill. I'm pretty tired. Salutations. Oh, I forgot to mention my toes are super cold and I dont have feeling in my right ones. Good thing. I did break a toe on my right foot. Im sure.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Pink Flamingo!


Today I went to that school thing again. It was a lot better with diana there. I took a nap again. I love naps. Im about to read. My dad faked a sickness to get attention today. And they call Mary immature.. I got my Chinese fix. Someone complimented my skin tone,"I love you skin! It's so white, so pretty." First time for everything, right? Oh yeah, this Lady who was in my house and who I hugged, and who I didn't know told me I should model. She wouldnt let it go. I was just about to read, until Carolina imed me. Oh no, I have a feeling this is going to be a long one. I guess it's still early. No worries. Gnar forever.

I can only handle so much

of this; a little bit a day is good progress for me. This mix is going to be brilliant.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Official business here:IMPORTANT required post

Chiodos is currently my favorite band.
Okay, they have been my favorite band for awhile now but I just though I'd throw it out for the whole virtual world and such.

I'm already counting down.

1739 days
4 years, 9 months, 5 days

Today

was a pretty good day, considering i wasn't @ a friend's house.
Woke up early, easy. Felt good. Got dropped off at middle town, couldnt walk through because of some dumb construction. Had to walk down to the light, i was 20 minutes late. I love walking by myself when it's cold, honked @ 2 times. Walked in the office, was greeted nicely for a change. Go on in the room, two tables. One table of people I know, another with people I don't know.. I choose the strangers. I don't know why, even know they were talking in vietnamese the whole time, and were quite annoying, they weren't hard to block out. It's not that they weren't nice.. they just weren't the friendliest people in the world. What made it awkward was one of the girls i recognized, she added me on myspace; she sends me messages saying only, "hi". I couldn't remember her name. I said hello. The other table was trying to talk to me the whole time, they're nice, i just didn't feel like talking much and i'm not the kind of person who wants to talk shit half the time. I do my work, while keeping to myself. The lady who was directing us, didn't like me because I put the stickers in the wrong place. I was still her favorite. She thinks i'm funny. I eat. I 'finish'. I'm told to come tomorrow. I leave. I'm judged by my new classmates because I walk home. I could care less. Felt good. I walk home. At home, I 'talk' to my sister for five seconds. I lay down. I sleep. I wake up. Watch a haunting and go on the computer. Not as boring as it sounds. I think I blanked out for a hour. Satisfying in the weirdest way. Leave on my bike. Off to Starbucks. Order. Sit. Made my sister cry. I don't know why I was so funny today. I was. I think I won her over with my, "Gnar Gnar, brah." I saw the starbucks worker laugh as I made fun of him. I couldnt help myself. You put your self in a pretty bad situation when you tell your coworkers about that big snot rocket you just launched outside. I think people are surprised at how loud I can be. Leave. Ride all the way home without sitting. My legs felt like bricks. Bricks can't bend. I collapsed three times. Reminded me of the first time I actually fainted in Carolina's kitchen the day before. Gnar. Reminds me of when I was talking to myself in the kitchen before I passed out. Gnar. I think Ill read tonight. I really want to finish that book. I think I have ADHD. Reminds me, I broke a toe. Gnar. Where was I. Reading. The book I'm reading is very good. I wanted to tell Rocky that I think God is going to choose him to be part of 'the army of the Lord'. This book just gets getting better and better. The end is coming. After I finish this book, i'm going to reread it. I was getting so anxious and I started tearing up as I wondered to my greatest ability trying to imagine what the other visions of the end that Mary K. wasn't allowed to reveal. Gnar. Yesterday, Carolina asked me if I had ever cried as I was praying, I told her maybe 3 times. She said that was good, and that it meant Jesus is touching your holy spirit and that you opened your heart to him. That gave me something else to hold on to. Reminds me, when I was asked if I was Christain or Catholic today, today was the first time I didn't just bluntly answer, "Catholic." This was the first time I was asked and had to think about the question. This was the first time I was unsure of myself. Anyway, I need to call some friends and ask them if they are free tomorrow. I want to go to Disney Land after. I also need to go school shopping.
"

'The Clouds' - Revelation 1:7

'The Clouds' is an actual photograph taken in 1972 at the O'Shaughnessy Dam in Columbus, Ohio. It was taken during sunset hours on the Sabbath by Beatrice (Madden) Mielke as an answer to a prayer that she would see Jesus in the clouds.


"
coincidence? you decide.



















Oh yeah, last night, I prayed. but this time I put in that little extra effort from the pit of my stomach. Low and behold, tears ran down my face.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Family Fights

are the worst.. good thing i'm smarter now.

):)

Saturday, August 15, 2009

im prone to let downs.

i dont feel good.


):im an insomniac(:
the thing is, if you know me, i love sleep.


~.$%!~
im so cold now adays, shaking and such..
i feel nautious
i think im going to try to go to sleep soon;


gross i hate this feeling

+

today was.. fun, i think
/

whoa i dont know what im talking about,
whoaaaaaa im cold
this isnt good

C

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


























hi.

im sorry

but mitchel musso is so ugly. if there was a club called anti-musso i would defiantly join... only if there was free admission though. night .

,

im wondering

when this twitter thing is going to settle down because its getting a little old.

Friday, August 14, 2009

I can rock this

mucho tireda'


not enough sleep for this body.. =)

im in love with this video.


meet my friends,

Thursday, August 13, 2009

okay,

i love tonight.
i love nyc prep.
i love reading.
i love blasting music without headphones on.
i love growing.
i love picker upers.
i love not having a twitter.
i love that friday is going to being fun.
i love that i have a feeling my plans will work.
i love good dreams.
i love outsmarting the devil.
i love my bed on the top bunk.
i love the nanny's funny parts.
i love when i say to myself, "Things are looking up."
i love unexpected calls.
i love having hope.
i love proving people wrong.
i love calling someone because i didnt think they would answer, but do.
i love outside.
i love singing in public places for public faces.
i love knowing right from wrong.
i love making people smile.
i love when things take a turn for the better.



Goodnight moon,



.
Where's your buttons Loper?

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

the posions dry, for you.

today im free, i want entertainment.
i feel so bad missing your calls, because they're so rare now..
ive done it this time.
i guess if no one calls me today, ill read and listen to my kick ass secret. hee,

i haven't prayed that hard in a long time, you might think im crazy for asking, but i don't doubt God's power. this is possible.

.
Early in the morning, as they were walking along they saw the fig tree withered to its roots. Peter remembered and said to him, "Rabbi, look! The fig tree that you cursed has withered." Jesus said to them in reply, "Have faith in God. Amen, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be lifted up and thrown into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it shall be done for him. Therefore I tell you, all that you ask for in prayer, believe that you will receive it and it shall be yours. When you stand to pray, forgive anyone against whom you have grievance, so that your heavenly Father may in turn forgive you your transgressions."

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

and the sun burnt out tonight,

tonight is all about we miss you, we miss you.

i dont care anymore

hey, as it turns out i did have to eliminate some.. but the final outcome is really cool. i hope you like it.

'smoked the demons gave me back my feelings.'
the devil is still messing with me, the only difference is im not scared anymore

it's just nice to know your always there for me if i need to talk






not.
oh well, i just have to deal with this. great.
___
just shows how much i didn't take you for granted

.

this world is sooooo fake, it ridiculous .. really really really ridiculous













i dont care anymore,

Monday, August 10, 2009

today was a flash

a good flash.







-Hey, i honestly don't care anymore, it's just a little bothersome, but overall God answered my prayers. don't worry about me, i can't say im happy for you but i just know things are going to work out in the end.. i have a really strong feeling about that, stronger than others, so im not about to ignore it
-im getting carried away with this present, but i dont have the heart to eliminate any. ergggg, i guess you'll be getting a lot . . .

Go God!

I love Sundays, at least during summers..

if you're lost or hurt, i recommend fasting, it works (=


Kathy Griffin's mom is great . aha,

My favorite parts of Sunday were making Carolina laugh so hard she cried,twice; singing SOS (not jonas) with brett; walking backwards to denny's; panda express was so good for some reason; picking songs while falling asleep; and church (=
/
&For Saturday, singing to Neo in the car

.
I seriously love betty white, she is so funny.
---

i wanted to jump in the screen and

punch this chick in the face


________________________________________________--
I hope today is good, I'm so tired.. (not really i just didnt want to wake up)

Saturday, August 8, 2009

free fall

i really don't want summer to end.
i really don't want school to start.
i thought i would be more excited, but i'm not..



i want next summer already (:

highlight of the oc fair






hands down,
-i wish you could of been the one to ride with me
....

don't go on glactatron or whatever it's called, it's not worth it, i promise you.

.
encouraging people to turn towards God always makes me feel good. i'm getting my points done guys, im getting my points done.

-
i miss you, you're to good for me to let you drift away. im sorry but im reeling you back in whether you like it or not.


X

the devil has been messing with my head a lot lately, this is happening because im strengthening my faith. and you're supposed to help me through this, but when i need to talk to you most you're unreachable. this makes it 10x harder, please become reachable again.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

i guess im weird.

Have you ever had a dream that seems so real, to taste, to pain, to reality, to little details, to just everything.
Well, I just did, it was such a strange dream too.
I seriously felt everything as if I were living it,
it was crazyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
Hasn't been a first time, it was just this time, I didn't die.

Sheesh

I live with a bunch of whiny babies.
Get me out of here.