Tuesday, March 22, 2016

The start of something

There was a persistent soft breeze caressing the palm tree that sat upon my lawn. The brush of the leaves was gentle and easily acceptected as ambiance. The noises faded in comfortably with the rest of this dullness we call Tuesday morning. But on an ever sporadic occasion there would be a gust of wind, strong enough to shudder my windows, strong enough to startle me tense, just strong enough to remind me of my mortality. It was at this point the constant banality of everyday began to fade. It was at this exact moment, without knowing why, I knew this Tuesday would be like no other. 

Saturday, March 12, 2016


I feel myself getting stronger
And I see the growth

I'd love to share that with you one day

Tuesday, February 2, 2016


Tucked away in a corner of the library. I think it's interesting how the people around me have no idea of all the fucked up thoughts harassing my mind right now. Because to me it feels like a war. All that makes me strong fighting all that makes me weak. There is a debilitating negativity alive in the center of myself. A doubt and a fear, strong enough to render me useless. And it makes me wonder, how many others are fighting a losing battle --- One that I can't see. Are all these people as conflicted as me? 

Monday, February 1, 2016

i don't need anyone and that's such an empowering realization
everything is alright

when in doubt, please remember this

everything is alright and everything will be alright

there will be bad days, but think of what you have
you have your abled body and mind
you can do so much, and this is only the beginning
please dont let yourself believe you have nothing left to offer

center ur mind

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Man it's really about appretation and genuine interaction. 

There's so many things you can learn from someone. A lesson u can take away. And I think that's so beautiful. 

Life is so beautiful and so ugly. It's all simultaneous and that blows my mind 

Sunday, December 27, 2015

it's all so fucking clouded

what really matters
who really matters

it feels like a puddle collecting
my confusion constant

to immerse yourself in a book or a movie, to escape
we try to hide in fiction, to escape
to learn and not allow ourselves to be vulnerable
any opportunity we can get to use our knowledge to keep ourselves safe
to make ourselves stronger, (and in doing so) colder

that seems to be the goal
to protect, and to build
to build yourself up and something to stand upon

I am tired of feeling alone
I am always overstaying my welcome somewhere or with someone

I need to be patient
and to understand, to accept that I am on my own
every day is a battle

You don't need anyone and no one needs you
To stand upon my own two feet and to bare the weight

Its all muddled
its all extra

it is a waiting game because I do have a plan
To stay on track with this plan and to not let the extras weigh me down any longer
To hold myself back

My entire life I have ripped myself apart trying to hold others together
And for what?

Saturday, November 7, 2015

Most days I don’t feel their absence.
Maybe I don’t care, maybe I don’t have enough reason to care, maybe I’m a bad person, maybe they don’t mean enough to me, I don’t know.

Most people in my life will come and go,
As the others before them have come and gone.
But it’s not sad,
Not completely.

Fucked up part of it all is that I don’t really mind not having “family” because I don’t really think about it. I have good friends. But even friends who feel like family will never be family. They will have their family trips, their holidays, their squabbles, their history –shit I will never know about or need to know about. Even as much as they want to be my family, even as much as I have wanted them to be my family, they. will. never. be. And I am finally mature enough to admit that. And to see that that is okay. Okay, and empowering. To know that I can go on without anyone. That I can fucking survive without anyone.

I am accustom to loss
It has made me colder
But that’s not bad,
Not completely